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Author Topic: Breaking News: Dalpok re-named New Amsterdam  (Read 9777 times)
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FirstAmongstDaves
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« on: December 26, 2006, 12:00:19 PM »

PRESS RELEASE

The Imperials are pleased to advise that the township formerly known as Dalpok has, save for one pocket of resistance, been conquered.

Street battles between aggressive locals and brave pirates have resulted in an overwhelming success for the 1st Imperial Privateers Regiment, with no signs of native life in the township, and pirates brazenly roaming the streets with impunity.

"I couldn't be more pleased," said Colonel Timothy Trust, a battle-hardened veteran of the battle in which he personally slayed 7 recalcitrant warriors, of the total of 30 deaths in the skirmish, as he posed for guerrotype film exposure with his stained cutlass shining in the new dawn. "This is a new beginning for the indigeneous population, who will soon be wearing silk shirts with lacy ruffles and drinking Earl Grey tea from fine china like civilised people before you know it."

No natives were available for comment.  Colonel Ella Chen of the Imperials, responsible for 5 Dalpok deaths, has 18 natives incarcerated in one hut in the north-west of the township, and one will be available for public comment on the new regime in New Amsterdam once fully debriefed.

"Outsiders and especially pirates from the shipwreck are invited to New Amsterdam, a mere 70 paces south-east of the wreck," said Colonel First, a spokesman for the Imperials High Command. "There are mangoes, delicious berries, and coin a plenty, with huts for one's private activities." (Some pirates have ever seen the inside of a hut, save for the trader's hut near the wreck, sometimes known as "Wankers' Resort".)

"Future citizens of New Amsterdam need only pledge not to urinate in the street to qualify," said Colonel David "The Hoff" Hassellhoff, another Imperials veteran. "We get quite enough of that at the shipwreck."

The Imperials have particularly requested that someone with brewing experience open a tavern, and also someone with knowledge of post-war institution-building.
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eLLa
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« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2006, 12:54:37 PM »

I believe two my native kills don't count due to the fact that they were low levels.

Anyways, I'm not proud, but neither am I ashamed of what I did. I went to Dalpok not as a murderer, but as a teacher. I believe that it was my god-given duty to educate the natives on who their real mack daddy is: ME. and no man in Shartak can say otherwise. Except for Mugatu, who killed me on my first trip there, and dazedandconfused, who poisoned me and then promptly got himself killed by Col. Trust. 

But that's old news. I am now fulfilling my duties in Dalpok as teacher and benefactor. I have discovered that none of the natives are familiar with Japanese pop music, so I took it upon myself to round up 10 locals, and teach them the dance moves to Renai Revolution 21. Many were wounded and a couple died as heroes. But we are at an early and delicate stage, and I am optimistic that things will turn out better tommorow, when I try to teach the remaining survivors how to dress like a member of Malice Mizer.
« Last Edit: December 26, 2006, 01:07:49 PM by ella chen » Logged
Timothy Trust
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« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2006, 02:02:29 PM »

I will make it my duty to personally ensure that the next generation of newborn Dalpok babies (specifically those born in the next 9-10 months) come from healthy, virile stock.
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Timothy Trust
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« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2006, 02:06:46 PM »

Also, all women will be required to wear spoons on their noses during the liberation parade, in honour of Good Queen Laura.
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FirstAmongstDaves
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« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2006, 12:07:04 AM »

A liberation parade! Excellent idea. We should have a real time march in formation through the burgh's main avenue.

I have yet to idenitfy who should be formally presenting us with a treaty of unconditional surrender. Colonel Chen, have your interrogations identified a senior ranking official?

I also hasten to add my thanks and congratulations to those other pirates and outsiders who fought so valiantly in this war of liberation. And, lest we forget, to those who died. (If I had some driftwood I'd make a memorial. Damn.)

I'll be going around this afternoon re-naming the huts: "Advocaat Manufactory", "Tulip Conservatorium" and "Bob's Windmill Repairs and Supplies".
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Michael edwards
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« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2006, 12:10:34 AM »

Hm.... I've been thinking of opening up a bar......
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FirstAmongstDaves
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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2006, 12:17:36 AM »

Michael - please come and visit. The more pirates/outsiders in town the more likely New Amsterdam will remain colonised.
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Malice
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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2006, 03:58:03 AM »

Michael - please come and visit. The more pirates/outsiders in town the more likely New Amsterdam will remain colonised.

Maevar Ralnik can help finance it. He's got 22 gems, 50 gold (thanks Santa) and nothing to do with it. Plus, he speaks Dutch, so who better to be an aristocrat in New Amsterdam?
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FirstAmongstDaves
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« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2006, 06:06:22 AM »

Excellent. A large influx of non-natives is very helpful.
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lama
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« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2006, 06:18:06 AM »

How much would you want me to pay for the village formerly known as Dalpok?
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« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2006, 03:22:30 PM »

I will make it my duty to personally ensure that the next generation of newborn Dalpok babies (specifically those born in the next 9-10 months) come from healthy, virile stock.

Ummm, you are aware how many pirates went through Dalpok already? Veneral diseases, hint hint.

You claim to 'colonise' a village that was under constant attack in the last ten months, and with a pitiable number of villagers who strike back. A stale victory, if any.
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« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2006, 03:44:10 PM »

Hm.... I've been thinking of opening up a bar......

Ey, cap'n, want some 'elp?
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Serious Sam
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« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2006, 05:41:11 PM »

The Baron is not amused.

These pale faces insult the ancestors and trample our Dalpok brothers. The Baron will be leaving Durham and heading to Dalpok. It is time to take more heads.

The bearded pale faces who walk on wooden legs and are host to a thousand fleas will pay.
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Malice
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« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2006, 06:47:51 PM »

The Baron is not amused.

These pale faces insult the ancestors and trample our Dalpok brothers. The Baron will be leaving Durham and heading to Dalpok. It is time to take more heads.

The bearded pale faces who walk on wooden legs and are host to a thousand fleas will pay.

We'll just have to learn to take more baths, then, and problem solved. Oh, and get someone into the prosthetic business.
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eLLa
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« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2006, 07:29:12 PM »

I'm out. Someone killed me and I reincarnated far, far away. I have a gps but I seem to have inherited my navigating skills from Armadox so I doubt I'll find my way back until I get to the shipwreck. Am currently camping out with Eris, the goddess of this chord(A minor seventh).
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