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Author Topic: The Characters of Team Tathers  (Read 8947 times)
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Neil Tathers
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« on: September 24, 2013, 05:24:16 PM »

The following was done as a parady of Team Tathers.  No characters were consulted before this parady, hence it being a parady.  Enjoy said parady.  

Neil Tathers walks up to a fire in the middle of the jungle.  Sitting around it are some very unique people.  One is wearing a tattered Sheriff uniform, and fussing with a giant gun.  Another is wearing an explorer's uniform, and was in the middle of talking to everyone about a new ship he found.  A sulking native was sitting in the shadows of the fire, and had some sort of beautiful plummage on his back.  He was also polishing a finely made kukri, and a trident rested on the ground in front of him.  The final native could only be seen when moved, and smelled strangely like goat.

Neil: Ah, my old friends, Cold Seether, Ibn von what's your name, Eyes of a Hawk and Jhelai, how are you folks doing today?
Cold Seether: Don't you old friend me, you left me in that tower!  BY MYSELF!  You know what sort of I had to deal with in there?
Neil: You were boring.  You stayed dead, you didn't even want to sing with me.
Neil: But your not now.
CS: That's not the point.  Now get your back to that tower, and STAY DEAD WITH ME!
Neil: Listen, no one visited us.
Ibn: But there's a boat there now.  I made it from 100 pieces of driftwood in my inventory!
Neil: And even with a boat there, no one is going to visit us.
Ibn: But it has whale oil....
Neil: And there is no whales around here.  Do we look like eskimos.
Eyes of a Hawk: I've killed eskimoes.
Neil: No you haven't, liar.
Eyes of a Hawk: Yes I have.
Jhelai: We are getting off track here people, Neil, sit around the fire.
CS: Not until he's dead again.  If he makes me regenerate ONE MORE TIME I....
Neil: What, patrol Derby again and kill random people for stepping on your lawn.
Ibn: Does anyone else think it's weird that people just stand there getting shot?
Ibn: The ship also has pikes.
Neil: But there's no cavalry, so pikes are pretty useless, aren't they?
Ibn: But...pikes!
Eyes of a Hawk: I've killed cavalry before.

Neil sits down by the fire.  The rest of the men there look away and groan.

CS: Wear some freaking underwear, or close your damn legs.
Ibn: Now I know where all the pythons have been.
Eyes of a Hawk: I've killed a python.
Neil, CS, and Jhelai: SO HAVE WE!
Ibn: I haven't....
CS: Why don't you take one of your damn pikes and go kill it.
Ibn: Axes too!
CS: What are you, a bubblering ad compaign or something?
Ibn: Wooden planks makes road.
CS: They do not, and if people find wooden planks on the ship, AREN'T THEY JUST TAKING THE DAMN SHIP APART!  IF WE WERE IN DERBY RIGHT NOW I WOULD KILL YOU!
Neil: Guys, lets stop talking about ourselves for a moment, and let Jhelai talk.
Eyes of a Hawk: I've killed a ship before.
Neil: That includes you Eyes.
Jhelai: Neil, we wanted to talk to you today about your obession.
Neil: My obession?  About what?  Killing the multitudes of animals that plague this island?  Ending war and gathering peace?  Becoming the best damn man I can be!
Jhelai: No, it's your obession with pec oil.

Neil pauses in mid application of said pec oil.

Neil: But, what else are we going to do with coconuts on the island?

To be continued


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« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2013, 06:32:17 PM »

>eyes narrow suspiciously<

There are no coconuts.

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« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2013, 11:28:01 PM »

Oooh, I'm so decisive.

(Camouflague is a good substitute for rubbing all over yourself. My own recipe reeks a bit after a while, but it keeps animals away, and blocks out any other smells but that one blasted stench that I can never get rid of. Winning that contest was a curse in disguise, I tell ya.)

"Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence" - Henrik Tikkanen
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« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2013, 03:42:46 AM »

I have to say that Neil's accuracy is incredible. He does Cold Seether better than Cold Seether! He's like John Belushi impersonating Joe Cocker.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
Neil Tathers
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« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2013, 04:23:39 PM »

Ibn: I hate to tell you this, but there is no coconuts on the island.
Eyes of a Hawk: I killed all the coconut trees, that's why.
CS: Will you stop telling everyone about everything you've killed?
Eyes of a Hawk: I've killed you.

Cold Seether's face turned red with rage.

CS: Why I outta!
Jhelai: Before this boils down to a Three Stooges skit, where did Neil go?

The four members of Team Tathers look around the fire, Neil was missing but the faint faint smell of pec oil hung in the air.

Jhelai: Dammit!  I don't have the AP to track him!  
Eyes of a Hawk: I killed you too.
Jhelai: No you didn't, I was off playing in elephant poop.
Ibn: My ship has elephant poop.


Neil trudged through the darkened jungle, "How dare they comment on my usage of pec oil.  One's a grump all of the time, another has a death fetish, one's got a ship fetish, and the last wears the head of a dead goat on his head!:

Suddenly an outsider stepped through the foilage.  He raised a heavy sword menacingly.


He attacked Neil with the sword.  As it struck the ground it broke into several pieces.

Neil: AHA!

Neil watched as the outsider pulled out a shovel and dug in a seemingly random spot, pulling up another sword from the ground.


The outsider beared down.


Neil dusted himself off from regenerating at the Raktam shaman, "Stupid swords, stupid stupid swords."

To Be Continued

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