Capt. Edwards and the tower of DEATH!!!!

[Michael edwards]

I actually had a dream like this and thought it would make a good little story to entertain.

All characters are used without permission except for james barnes.

And Now.....
Part 1 of Capt. Edwards and the Tower of DEATH!!!!

   "What do you know about bauer?"
   "Kjendlie, seriously you need to relax with this whole CTU organization."
   " Nighter...how could you even say that, he is trying to dislove the CP and make all are hard work null and void. He is trying to destory us and everything we stand for!"
     
    The Pair sat in Czechy's infamous backroom. Smoke and alchohal clouded the air in the cramped inner chamber. a Single oil lamp lit the room as Nighter stared across the table to his friend.
   
    " Bauer just wants to help I've talked to the guy KJ. He's on the level."

    Kjendlie just stood up and left.  Nighter finished his ale alone.


Meanwhile at the base of MT. Shartak.

    Capt. Michael Edwards awoke to the glint of a machete, about to cut his head off. He barely rolled out of the way as the weapon dropped. He wobbled to his feet and wobbled some more as he got his bearings. He saw a beatufil native women standing across from him.

   "I must confess If I was to die I 'd love it to be by those beautiful bosoms."
   "Opttk Dack Hjkt Ajth Iut Attck Plut." Shouted the woman.
   
   "Whoa now I said IF!!!"
    The woman charged at Edwards. He was ready however and fran to her left and took out an empty bottle, smashing it over her head knocking her out cold.
    " Hate to kill lovely ladies" Edwards mumbled. He took her weapons and sat down on a nearby rock. He fished a bottle of rum from his pack and drank it down with a sigh.

It Had been a month, a month from when Patch disappared and Edwards went out looking for him leaving Rozen to hold down the wreck.

      Edwards drank some more Rum


 Tribune Barnes' office was backlogged with hundreds of files. He always tried to keep it neat but with such a forward moving city like Derby it's hard to keep up. he heard a knock on the door and Rob Zombie entered the office.

    "Hey rob."
   
Rob sat in the guest chair and lit a pipe. "Hey James just came by to finish up any needed work for the new court system. Oh! that and we finally killed that wiksik raiding party that's been harrasing traders."

" Good Rob, yeah the courts system is just about finished all we need is CRAAAAAAAAAAACK RUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLE!!!!!!!

The whole office was knocked down as a huge earthquake rocked derby....

NEXT TIME!!!!

KJ TAKES THE LAW INTO HIS OWN HANDS .

EDWARDS CLIMBS MT. SHARTAK IN SEARCH OF PATCH.

DERBY DISCOVERS...THE TOWER OF DEATH!!!!!!



                                               

[lama]

[Black Joe]

I'm a desk jockey.

[Michael edwards]

just wait till part 2 ....

SPOILER!!















































































































































































































some one MAY die!!!!

[Rob Zombie]

I  :lol:ed all the way through that, its a great short piece which promises to live up to all expectations of the characters.
I liked the concept of looking for Patch, and that you can pretty much tell what the character's jobs are (except for James) even if you've never played Shartak.

[Cthulhu]

Awesome! Totally best reason for me/anyone having a internet connection

[Michael edwards]

Well now boys and girls


CAPT. EDWARDS AND THE TOWER OF...DEATH!!! PART 2

    "Everyone okay? Rob you still alive?"
    "DAMN!!!...my pipe's broke!!!" Yelled Rob as he stood up from the rubble. Standing up he looked out onto the sea and saw what looked like a huge black rift in the horizon.
    "What the hell is up with that" mumbled Rob.

    "James was facing opposite of Rob and surveryed the town for anyone needing medical treatment. He looked North and the color drained from his face.
     
    "Rob look up north!!"

    "Hey James what do you make of this...James?" Rob turned around and saw James running to the hospital to get more supplies. "James where you going?"
 
    Rob's eyes wandered more north to see 30 1st Derby Privateers drawing up a firing line behind some fencing. He looked past them and swore under his breath.
                         
300 Wiksik warriors came charging towards
                          Derby swinging machete's and wailing shrill warcries.
       
   Rob placed the broken pipe into his mouth and tried to light it, forgeting it was broken. He let it drop and simply remarked
 
                          "Isn't this just the best damn day to be alive..."

MEANWHILE -DORK...YORK-

   If he had cared Knjendlie would have noticed a small termor underneath his feet as he walked to the 1st Colonial Militia's headquaters. He did however step over some near the doorway sucessfully.

   The inside of the building was adorned with various propaganda posters, (THE ONLY GOOD PIRATE IS A DEAD PIRATE!!) (AGAINEST YORK?...FOR PIRATES!!) Militia flags and wanted posters.

One poster is particular was of Michael Edwards. It looked like it was used as a dartboard. Another was of Rozen drawn with fake glases and beard. Nobody was in the front room so Kjendlie yelled for Sam.

         "Back here!" came the gruff voice.

   Kjendlie walked into the backroom of the headquaters and saw Serious Sam sitting at a table, surrouned by rifles, ammo and machetes. on what little table space was left Sam cut a mango into bite sizes.
 
         "Sam...Nighter's not with us anymore."

         "Went with that pansy Bauer?" snorted Sam

         "Yeah...we need to clear out the bad blood around here...you in?" Whispered Kjendlie.
           
         " KJ, Anyone who doesn't side with us doesn't side with york anyone who doesn't side with york sides with the pirates and all pirates need to die." Sam said as he ate some more mango.
           
         "Good, tonight than Sam." Kjendlie turned and left.


MEANWHILE  MT.SHARTAK

           Edwards was naked. He was naked underneath the summit's waterfall. He had trekked all the way up the mountian and saw no sign of Patch...or of anyone really. Upon arriving at the falls and realizing he hadn't bathed in months. Edwards decided to enjoy a swim.

            As he enjoyed the cool water he felt a violent after shock from the earthquake. He got out of the water to  survey any damages. Seeing none he muttered
             "Nothing at all up here"

He dove back into the water...and than he saw a glint in the corner of his eye from behind the falls. He swam to it and found a small nook behind the falls with a shrine holding the most pristine gold and jeweled plate he ever saw.

He took it and swam over to his belongings. Stuffing the plate into his pack.

"Least I'm not leaving empty handed," He fished another bottle of rum out and began drinking.

KAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...KHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*COUGH*...*HACK*...*WHEEZE*...KAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Edwards was starled by the crackle and sprung out of the water grabing his cutlass. From his left he could see a dark figure drop from the treeline.

            "Damn preverts...ZEFF...IS THAT YOU?"
             .... .... no response

           "Well than" grumbled Edwards "Guess someone's picking a fight with a naked pirate...perv"


NEXT TIME!!!!!
THE BATTLE OF DERBY


THE CLEANSING OF YORK


CAPT. EDWARDS FIGHTS IN HIS BIRTHDAY SUIT


CAPT. EDWARDS AND THE TOWER OF...DEATH!!! VOL1 ISSUE2
   

 
 

[Black Joe]

Ooo! The Battle of Derby!

[Tom Failur]

" KJ, Anyone who doesn't side with us doesn't side with york anyone who doesn't side with york sides with the pirates and all pirates need to die." Sam said as he ate some more mango.

I remember him saying that.

[Rob Zombie]

This is just...so...cool! 
It hillariously funny, factualy accurate and appeals to the real characters 

[King Keiichi Dulforth Reginald the Second of Eastern York]

Are all pirates this crazy? 

[Michael edwards]

just the cool ones

[Rob Zombie]

Pretty much.
Rozen is as mad as a bag of mad things

[Michael edwards]

YOU LOVE IT...i hope

CAPT. Edwards and the tower of..death!!! part 3


    "Steady...men..."
                     AIAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!
    "aim..."
                     IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
        "FIRE!!"
                      IIII*thud*
         "Reload!!"

    Rob had sweat dripping down his face as he shouted out the thrid volley of rifle fire. He knelt down and reloaded his rifle. No matter how many times they fired the Natives would still keep coming. Rob ready himself for the next volley, they were still far enough away he guessed.

        "Ready...."
   
     Than the natives split like waves and dove into the thick jungle...as if they were never there.

        "Their turning back...we've won!!" shouted a hopefull man down the line.

      Rob however had a bad feeling in his gut. he had been in enough battles to know something wasn't quite right

        "Hold the line men" He yelled
   
        "Capt...We beat them!!" sounded the same voice. Rob saw him stand up.

      Rob, still kneeling, turned his head to him. "Hold the line, that's an order!!"

      "Listen you may be the captian but don't think your so..."
              *THWACK!*
     A dart flew straight into and out of his head. The corpse fell with a dull thud.
          Soon a whole storm of venom tipped darts screamed out of the jungle felling any one unlucky enough to stop it.

     "RETREAT!!!! RETREAT....FIND COVER!!!!!" Shouted Rob as a corporal near him fell , he was hit in the chest. Rob grabbed him by the collar and began dragging him to the hospital.

     James and other Hospitallers  were already treating wounded hit by the darts in and out of the hospital. As the Privateers retreated from their first defensive line other Hospitallers shot covering fire.

     Rob dragged the corporal over to James. He began to apply first aid on the spot as darts flew threw the air. Rob ran into a wood shed near them where other Privateers had taken shelter. He looked out the broken window and saw that the natives were forming up for another charge, there were less of them. Some staying in the jungle no doubt to rain more darts.

    Rob brought his rifle up to his face and looked down the sights yelling.
                                   "FIRE AT WILL!!!"
     The message spread like wildfire in Derby.

   
   Edwards charged at the Dark figure in all his naked glory. The figure too charged at Edwards...abeit slower. The two came face to face and locked blades. Edwards could see that it was a Native...an old man...

        "What the hell ya bothering me for old timer" grunted Edwards, the old man was stronger than he looked.

       All the old man did was crackel that same annoying laugh as he shifted his weight...making edwards trip and fall into mud. He turned to edwards to deal the finishing blow.

       But Edwards was resoruceful and tackled him from all fours throwing the old man to the ground. Edwards was on top of him...naked...muddy...and pissed off. He began punching the man over and over again in the face. blood flew Until finally Edwards heard.

      "Please stop...please stop...PLEASE!!!!" Shouted the man

      Edwards halted and asked "You speak my language?"
 The Oldman nodded meekly.


MEANWHILE OUSTIDE YORK IN THE JUNGLE.
 
           The night air was humid as Nighter and Sam walked side by side.
              "Sam, why'd KJ call a meeting all the way out here?" asked Nighter
            "KJ doesn't feel the backroom is safe anymore...simple as that" Sam grunted.
             They walked in Silence the rest of the way.

        As they approached Nighter could here moaning. Not the good sexy time moaning either. More like the "Help i'm dying or hurt badly" moan.
               
             Nighter, standing in front of sam, pushed some foliage back to reveal a horrific sight.

         Bauer was collapsed on the ground. His arms tied behind a tree, he looked beaten and bloody. Kjendlie stood over him holding a rifle.

             "Again, WHAT INFOMATION HAVE YOU GIVEN TO OUR ENEMIES!!"
                       "... ..."
            Kjendlie slammed the butt of the rifle into Bauer's shoulder.
                  "BAUER!!"
                       "Screw...SCREW YOU KJ!" Bauer yelled out.
           
 Nighter was shocked."What the hell are you doing KJ?!!"
                        Kjendlie turned around and looked straight at Nighter
"Protecting York. We must ensure that no traitor every crosses us again."

He extended the rifle to Nighter. "Execute this traitor for crimes against york...prove your worth"
                   
                        "No Kjendlie."
                       
                        "Do it Nighter...Do it"
 
                        "No"
       
"THAN I'LL DO IT MYSELF!!"
Kjendlie swung the rifle around to Bauer and pulled the trigger...

BANG


NEXT TIME!!!

THE DERBY OFFENSIVE!!!

WHAT HATH YORK WROUGHT???

THE TOWER OF DEATH AWAKENS!!!?

CREEPY OLD MEN!!!

CAPT. EDWARDS AND THE TOWER OF...DEATH!!! VOL1 ISSUE3

[lama]