The Latest Royal Court of Raktam Employment Search

[Cold Seether]

All Hail the new Queen of Raktam!

Calliope Grieve, though she does not yet know it, has been chosen by the Smoldering Shrub of the Mountain with the assistance of the ancient deity, Einy-Mynee-Mo. Sure, she isn't from Raktam and probably never has spent time in Raktam, but that merely makes her less likely to be slain as often, as was the case with previous management teams.

All Hail Calliope Grieve! All Hail Raktam!

posted by Seether of Derby, Notary Public

As can be plainly seen by the quote taken from Ye Olde Message Boarde, there is a new Queen of Raktam. Sadly, the Queen has no staff in her employ. Come to think of it, the Queen doesn't even know she has the job.

We are now taking resumes for the following positions:

1) Seneschel: This officer will take care of the day-to-day operations of the Royal Court in the Queen's absence and. if she ever bothers to show up, will give her carved pumpkins... because carved pumpkins are cool.

2) Court Healer: Charged with healing injured people in the name of the Queen and Raktam. Alternatively, will search for herbs and give them to people so they can heal their own darned selves, bunch of slackers.

3) Law Clerk: This person is charged with the duty of seeking out and killing The Law before he kills everyone, or after he kills everyone, or both. Such is The Law.

4) Court Jester: This person will hang out and make bodily noises, both real and fake, for the enjoyment of one and all.

5) Minister of Defense: This person will constantly seek out the Law Clerk to ask him why The Law is still killing everyone despite supposedly being kept pinned down by the Law Clerk's poison darts and paperwork filed in triplicate.

6) Royal Minion: This person will do whatever it is that this person feels is too menial a job for anyone with brains more developed than a monkey.

7) Edgar: This person will spread the word of the Queen's benevolence and scour the landscape for signs of teh Queen. When he finds her, he shall lead her to Raktam where a surprise party will be held and, if necessary, hold her arms behind her back while we slap a crown upon her head. The Edgar is a vital role for the people of Raktam and only the very best applicants will be considered. Thus, we'll probably end up with The Narrator disguised as a native lolita...

[error]

Last Laugh: Can I take the job of court jester, I promise I wont take it too seriously and although I'm not a native and do not support any native interests a Raktam guy named Sofaking just killed me, in my book that's a sign of support and friendship. So I'm putting his name on my resume.

[Raan'dul]

This is as big of a joke as York's government. An outsider queen, with an outsider court jester for Raktam's Royal court. Cold Seethed who in their mentally diminished mind told you that you had say so over what happens in Raktam. Head back to Derby, pale face, before I hunt you down, fill you with poison darts until you can't move and leave you there to die. This outsider "queen" will find no warm welcome, no open arms, no love in Raktam, only death. As for the court jester, stay in York and crack jokes for the sheriff.

Akiak

[error]

This is as big of a joke as York's government. An outsider queen, with an outsider court jester for Raktam's Royal court. Cold Seethed who in their mentally diminished mind told you that you had say so over what happens in Raktam. Head back to Derby, pale face, before I hunt you down, fill you with poison darts until you can't move and leave you there to die. This outsider "queen" will find no warm welcome, no open arms, no love in Raktam, only death. As for the court jester, stay in York and crack jokes for the sheriff.

Akiak

Oh I don't plan on leaving York any time soon, and heading out into backwater Raktam, that would be a joke in itself. But hey, don't get me wrong I'd love to be the court jester, for this obviously strong and well respected government but I only want the position if it doesn't really take away from my current duties.

But it seems to me that you natives really need a lesson in humor.

[KingBiscuit]

For the record, I find this all very humorous.

-SofaKing

[Dani]

I approve of zee new Queen. Raktam should be ruled by zee Blancs.

...But le Regent eez un bonhommie too, mais oui!

--Dame Prosper

[Mortis]

Although I am no longer a militant anarchist, I won't have an outsider claim my home as their domain. Rest assured, the very sight of any outsider attempting to do such a thing, in Raktam will bring about their swift death.

- The Narrator

[The Hanged Man]

By order of the Sheriff of York, I hereby annex Raktam for use as a Forward Operating Base in the War on Savagery.

Wait, what ever happened to Foreigner Season? And why am I taking pot shots miles away while my countrymen are overrun with two shades of savages? Does anybody like me yet?

Perhaps I'll put this one on my "to urgently declare war on and then get around to way later" list.

[Muad Dib]

What is this...? I think I was better walking by the dunes Raktam is beyond human understanding...

[Mortis]

No outsider has authority of any sort in Raktam. I spit on your order and will kill all Yorkers on sight.

- The Narrator

[Cold Seether]

Although I am no longer a militant anarchist, I won't have an outsider claim my home as their domain. Rest assured, the very sight of any outsider attempting to do such a thing, in Raktam will bring about their swift death.

- The Narrator

My native language skills aren't that great, but this sounds like an application to become Law Clerk.

You're hired. A round of applause for The Narrator, the finest Law Clerk in the history of Raktam! Let us fear The Law no longer with The Narrator's strong knees and vigilant left nostril on the case!

[Mortis]

You can take your job offer and shove it down Calliope Grieve's throat. I won't have such a disgrace in my story.

-The Narrator

[Dani]

After reading zee job offres encore, I theenk zee position of zee Royal Minion suits moi tres bien, m'sieu! Of coarze I weell 'ave to rester at zee saloon most of zee time, but eef zee Queen beckons, I weell scurry to 'er knee.

--Dame Prosper

[oldmeatwadjm]

Don't worry the W. A. in C. will take over rule of Raktam in the absence of the royal court, at some point in the distant future for a period of time (this has not been decide yet). After all besides being a resident native of Raktam, the wise dice was a member of the royal court under the Queen.

-the wise dice

[KingBiscuit]

The Royal Court is not absent, wise dice. It maintains its presence in Raktam as it always has.

Does this mean you are no longer a member of the Royal Court, Dame Prosper?