La Belle Dame Saloon in Raktam

[Dani]

A New Queen of Raktam? Sacre bleu!

Cold Seether tosses a small pouch of coins to Jeanette Prosper, "There ya' go, Jenny... A round on me in celebration of the new Queen of Raktam, Calliope Grieve! An end to the old and a newb beginning!"

Akiak says “Outsider, you do not dictate who controls Raktam and who is to wear the crown. I won't kill you for insulting me only for my respect for Jeanette. Don't let me cross paths with you outsider of here.”

Edward Theodore Gein kills Cold Seether with a bludgeon of Mal.
Edward Theodore Gein carves pieces off the body of Cold Seether and begins eating!
Edward Theodore Gein carves pieces off the body of Cold Seether and begins eating!
Edward Theodore Gein carves pieces off the body of Cold Seether and begins eating!

Jeanette Prosper turns around all aglow. "How exciting!" She stops short at the dead body in the room. "ah, oui. Zat eez most 'orrible. Can eenyone track zee cannibal who deeed zis foul crime?"

Akiak ducks into the building, he nods to Jeanette and sits next to Nokomis.
Akiak leans in an whispers to Nokomis, keeping the converstion private.

Jeanette Prosper fixes herself some mango juice and sits on the couch nearest Pelleas. "M'sieu Pelleas, pleez, I eem tres despereet to 'ear zee tales of mes gens: how deed you come to rester 'ere een le Raktam?"

Pelleas says “Well you see Jeanette, I came here with some yeastweed for Sofaking, straight from the finest swamps Derby has to offer.”
Pelleas says “And oncu againg, I humve fornd thiat he isn't humre. ” with a slight accent.
Pelleas says “So I'm juhst humnuhingg arund. Rakthi's a nuhce puthce, forendlun, clear, lunts of prethi thies, thiat sorar of thing.” with a slight accent.
Pelleas says “Why ethacthiyun am I in youh bar? Welun I ingagingeth it's safor-ish for shurrarrs, and who dusn't lunke a dunk now and againg? And againg, and againg and in somun caseth, againg.” with a slight accent.

Jeanette Prosper strains her ears as she tries to understand the outsider. "Je m'excuse m'sieu, zee tongue, eet eez tres difficile for me. I eem learning angleesh, but slowly, oui?"

Akiak lays down a stack of coins and two empty bottles on the counter and says "Wine for the natives, no love for the outsider, and refill these with fungi juice please, Jeanette."
Akiak gives you an empty bottle x2
Akiak gives you 9 gold coins.
You hear Akiak whisper “Ill get you more gold in a sec just hold on haha”
Akiak gives you 7 gold coins.

Jeanette Prosper takes the empties from Akiak and heads to the bar. She quickly returns with a tree bark platter of fungi juice and apple ciders. She hands a cider to each of the natives. "we 'ave only zee cider."

You give a gourd of apple cider to Akiak
You give a gourd of apple cider to Nokomis
You give a gourd of apple cider to Azguz

Jeanette Prosper hands the bubbling fungi juice to Akiak. "Voila, m'sieu, and merci beaucoup for zee gold and zee empties, I weell put dem to good use, mais oui!"

You give a gourd of fungi juice to Akiak x2

Who can keep track of all these wars?

Jeanette Prosper looks anxiously out the door. "Sacre bleu! I wonder eef M'sieu le Muad Dib eez all right. I 'ear dere eez rumours of terrible battles een York & Weekseek. I pray dey do not reach le ville."
Jeanette Prosper remains by the open door a moment longer, then returns to her place at the couch near Pelleas. "I eem afraid I 'eard but a petit morceau of your histoire, m'sieu, but I understood le yeastweed."

You say “eez eet possible you 'ave eeny more of zee foul weed left? I 'ave run out alors eet eez difficile to leave zee Saloon to make zee trip to Derby encore.”

Muad Dib climbs inside. “I was gathering herbs, sorry if it took me long.”
Muad Dib says “There seems to be quite a handful of pirates harassing townfolks, hiding in some dark, foul, cursed places...”

Jeanette Prosper smiles and does a quick cross of relief. "Bienvenue, m'sieu!"

You say “Eet eez as I feared, zat with le Regent een York zee pirates 'ave run amok. Pirates." She pronounces the word like a curse. "Derby eez eenfested with dem, 'ow Mme Calhoun puts up with dere stench?"

Jeanette Prosper waves hello to the well-built shirtless native just arrived. "Bonjour m'sieu Burgag, bienvenue to La Belle Dame."

Akiak looks to burgag, then to the heads he collects on his belt and says "I recognize that Yorker's face. I know a man from your village who wishes to inflict much pain upon him. Maybe you know him?"
Akiak says “His name is Ruh'sil. He is currently waging war in York with our fellow brothers and sisters.”

[Dani]

Let the good times rrrrroll!

Pelleas says “Well don't worry, the rest of my story wasn't that interesting anyway. Something about the liberation of Chile...”
You hear Pelleas whisper “Yes, at this stage I'm just sick of holding on to it. Just take it. Consider it a gift for the opening of your bar. ”
Pelleas gives you a yeastweed x 18
Pelleas says “In fairness to those pirates in Derby, they don't really cause any trouble. Sure they stink and guzzle rum up like nothing normal but they're well behaved. ”

Jeanette Prosper clutches an armful of yeastweed, looks stunned, then giddy, and rushes to the back to put it all in storage. She returns with a bottle of mango wine and hands it to Pelleas, curtsying. "Merci."

You say “Zee vin de la mangoe eez zee preferred drink of le Cours de Roi een Raktam. Or eet was, I eem told.”

Jeanette Prosper shrugs in her delicately French way. "We now 'ave zee vin de la mangoes and zee vin de la poison berry een stock. And weeth zis blessed donation of yeastweed, we'll 'ave beaucoup of variety vite!"

Muad Dib says “Oh yes, I remember being there and the pirates in Derby were actually very nice to me. But the closer one gets to the shipwreck the stinkier they get.”
You hear Muad Dib whisper “I have many bottles of juice I can give you if you want to turn them to wine. Tasty berry, mango, apple, and I think there was some poison berry somewhere...”
Muad Dib starts humming a song... “Naah naaah, naaah naaaaah, na-na-na-naah na-naaah, naaaah-aaaaah...” It sounds like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

You whisper to Muad Dib, “Oui, mais uh, I only 'ave zee espace for 10 bottles. les jus de tasty baies would be best, I theenk, followed by mangoes and oui oui, des autre fruites! Merci, m'sieu Muad Dib.”

Jeanette Prosper trots over to Azguz, gently stirring a bottle of tasty berry juice. "Pleez tell me, m'sieu, what do you theenk of all zee politics 'ere? Eez eet 'ow eet always eez, or was eet once more peaceful?"

Muad Dib gives you a bottle of tasty berry juice x8
Muad Dib gives you a bottle of mango juice x 2

You whisper to Muad Dib, “merci!”

More politics

Pelleas says “I'll tell you my opinion on all politics despite the fact you clearly didn't ask me! The whole island would be a lot better off without it in any form.”
Pelleas says “Whether that form be monarchy, theocracy, dictatorship, republic or anything else. It always just ends in tears.”
Pelleas says “Don't thike thiat as a siger thiat I suputhorrthi anarcuyun thouh!!!” with a slight accent.

Jeanette Prosper flusters in the presence of the cannibal hunter. "Je m'excuse m'sieu. I deed not t'ink...but 'ave you served een zee uh, office? eet almost sounds personnel to you, eef I may?"
Jeanette Prosper waddles over to the bar and returns with a bark-sheet platter of drinks. She hands a bottle of pumpkin juice to Pelleas. "Refraichisants, m'sieus?" She leaves the platter on a low table and sits.
Jeanette Prosper crosses her legs. "I eem glad to know you do not support zee anarchistes, m'sieu. Dey are a terrible blight upon zee land, een my opinion. But what of our noble Cours de Royaume?"
Jeanette Prosper notices the outsider's wariness. "You can speak freely 'ere, of course. Dis eez a ceeveelized societe. I eem in trouble with zee Regent eenyway, for supporting zee blanc queen Calliope Grieve."

Pelleas says “Oh no no no, I've never served anywhere and I would be wary of doing it as well. ”
Pelleas says “Still, I suppose I admit there's always a nagging thought in the back of your mind...what if you could really make a difference?”
Pelleas says “Let's face it though, York has no form of organisation at all, Durham I've never been to, but it's ruler sounds like a well spoken deranged madman to me and Derby is probably doing better than ever ”
Pelleas says “with it's psuedo government of the Misfits.”
Pelleas says “I don't think outsiders have a place in native matters, although if that were to change I wouldn't mind. In my dream world, there wouldn't be division between the two peoples on this island and I like”
Pelleas says “to think I try to mend some wounds, but it's difficult for one man to make a difference. Bars like this are brilliant for that sort of thing though.”
Pelleas talks a sip of the pumpkin juice. 'Well the Royal Court has always had kind words for me whenever I've been here. In fact, I haven't heard much ill about them all.'
Pelleas says “That might just because I haven't heard all the latest goss. Feel free to let me know the people's opinion. Always best to hear all sides of the story.”

Burgag smiles at the elegant lady of Raktam. "Thank you for the gracious welcome."
Burgag glances over at Akiak and gives a non-commital tilt of his head. "Few people do I know. Fewer still of the going-ons they may be involved in. Still, perhaps we will meet, this Ruh'sil and I."
Burgag heads out. "Or not."

Cold Seether says “That darn Ack-yak guy keeps trying to kill me. No respect for the democratic process, that one!”

Jeanette Prosper is cleaning old gourds & starts humming a song, then swaying to the beat, moving about in a way that might be mistaken as dancing (for a staunch puritan): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-TSaH7T7_k

[Dani]

End of an Era

Muad Dib gives you a bottle of fungi juice x8
Muad Dib gives you 20 gold coins.
You hear Muad Dib whisper “Take this as a token of gratitude.”
Muad Dib says “My best wishes for you and the bar. Farewell!”

Jeanette Prosper wakes to see several bottles of fungi juice clustered on her wide child-bearing hips, and a stack of gold nestled the bar. She leaps up to the door, scattering fungi juice everywhere. "Muad Dib!"

Jeanette Prosper waves frantically, hoping to attract his attention. "M'sieu! Merci! M'sieu Muad Dib!" Finally she gives up, blows the retreating figure a kiss, and heads back in to clean up the spilt fungi juice.

Pelleas says “Ah this establishment is so much more peaceful than the Hanged Misfit. Makes me wonder what the difference is.”

Vampires, Liquified Pirates & Eoos oh Mon Dieu!

Caranae walks in slowly and looks around. Finding a dark corner she seats herself on the floor and shrugs off her pack. "Nice place. A bit different then the bar last time I was here."

Jeanette Prosper offers a strained smile for the weird-looking native girl. "Bonjour madamoiselle. Welcome to La Belle Dame. Eez dere somet'ing I can serve for you today? We 'ave beaucoup fine liquers een stock."
Jeanette Prosper gestures to the wall of gourds. "I eem told dey are fine. I do not drink zee spirits myself, but eet eez enough to know mes gens enjoy zee flaveur." She sits down at one of the feathery couches

You say “Tell me, madamoiselle uh, Caranae? Dis ot'er saloon you speak of, what was eet? I 'ad not 'eard of zee past bars 'ere, but I eem new to le Raktam, mais oui!”

Caranae gives a slow smile, her eyes glow bright white for a second and then return to their silver hue. "Yes, the first tavern opened here, I remember it well since Nokomis and I danced at its opening."
Caranae pulls her legs up, holding them with her arms and resting her chin on her knees. "It was a dark place with a dark keeper. Many killed him and few liked him."
Caranae shifts her gaze to her old friends drinks. "Got anything worth while, I highly doubt they serve the type of spirits I like here."
Caranae puts her focus back on Jeanette. "No offense Eoo."

Pelleas says “Yes, well a bit less eyeing up and down please. I'm a little unerved by people whose eyes having pulsing light coming from them.”

Jeanette Prosper nervously skitters across the floor to the bar. "Ah, je m'excuse, madamoiselle. We also serve le poison of zee berry jus, and even zee jus de fungi for a haggled sum. Per'aps one of doze?"
Jeanette Prosper turns around in shock as something occurs to her. "Zee tavern you speak of...eet eez not originally 'ere, non? At zis hut, oh, mais non!"
Jeanette Prosper looks gratefully to Pelleas. "Ah, m'sieu, may I refresh your glass weeth somet'ing?"

Caranae smiles and lets out a sharp laugh as she watches the woman skitter across the floor. "No need to be nervous, it was a different hut."

Nokomis eyes flash silver in amusement at Jeanette while she opens her bag to take out the special gourd of wine. "Next time make your own Sister." Nokomis grins and hands the qourd to Caranae

Caranae sniffs the air, her eyes glowing softly as she licks her lips. "Do you have anything with a nice wailer in it?" She raises an eyebrow.
Caranae looks over to her friend and gives a genuine smile. Taking the offered wine, she chugs the thing in one gulp and gives a happy sigh.
Caranae says “Ahhh that hits the spot. I would have hunted my own, but I have been sleeping a long hard slumber for a while now and didn't have the time.”

Nokomis eyes widen after watching Caranae drink it all. "Well, that was the last of gurujerry."

Caranae places the empty gourd back in Nokomis's pack. "Oh, I managed to kill that one cannibal running around town. Didn't have the strength to do a ritual when I finished though."

Nokomis closes up her bag while looking at Carane. "I know what you mean. I killed him too and didn't have the time myself. Looks like we both need to go and get refills"
Nokomis stands up, faces Caranae and lifts her right palm to her left shoulder "I will be going now on the mission we talked about. Take care and try to be nice to the Eoo's"
Nokomis leans over and picks up her pack slinging it over her shoulder. Walking out the door you can hear her start to hum a haunting tune.

Caranae stands from her meditation and bows her head slightly. "I suppose I have been here long enough, it is a long road to Wiksik."
Caranae picks up her pack and heads towards the door, stopping at the last second to turn towards those present. "Oh, and if my buddy Tkltchk turns up looking for me, tell him I am in Wiksik."
Caranae says “He can eat me there....uh, I mean meet me there. Yes that is the right one. *grins wolfishly and leaves*”

You whisper to Pelleas, “Moi, I eem very 'appy zat doze vampires 'ave left. Dey frightened me so with dere manners and dere strange eyes, oh Mon Dieu!"

[Bobby the Hatchet]

I don't play well with cannibal hunters. Also, Crabs-In-Her-Hair, you may strike me down, but one of these days, when you least expect it, I'm coming back for that ridiculous wig of yours. I'm going to hang it from my belt and dance around a bonfire.

(2011-04-06 09:13) Bobby the Hatchet strolls in from the jungle, his wild eyes darting immediately to the cannibal hunter at the far end of the room.
(2011-04-06 09:16) Bobby the Hatchet casually reads the writing on the wall, cocking his head to the side. The various skulls and treasures he bears about his body clatter as he draws his sword with a bloody grin.
(2011-04-06 09:19) Bobby the Hatchet lunges at the hunter, driving the blade to the hilt. He grinds it around, the blade sticking out of the man's back swiping and shattering various bottles and gourds from the bar top.
[...]
(2011-04-06 09:23) Bobby the Hatchet erupts with laughter as the lifeblood spills down the blood gutter onto the hilt, running all over the savage's gnarled hands. "Last call for this pale face. I'm going to get drunk on his blood!"
[...]
(2011-04-06 09:25) Bobby the Hatchet tears the blade free and with a whirlwinding flourish of blood spatter, slices the man's head clean off.
(2011-04-06 09:25) You attack Pelleas with a heavy sword for 1 damage. They die. You gain 43 XP.
(2011-04-06 09:25) Underworld log successful.
(2011-04-06 09:26) Bobby the Hatchet chuckles ruefully as the body falls to the floor. He plucks up the head for his collection.
(2011-04-06 09:26) You collect the head of Pelleas and clean it up before adding the skull to what you're carrying.
(2011-04-06 09:27) Bobby the Hatchet folds his arms and ponders over the menu for a moment. "You know, I merely came for a drink, but now I think I'll have the buffet..."
(2011-04-06 09:27) You carve pieces off Pelleas and give thanks to the ancestors as you eat.
(2011-04-06 09:27) You feel slightly invigorated from the slabs of flesh you consume. You gain 3 XP.
(2011-04-06 09:27) You carve pieces off Pelleas and give thanks to the ancestors as you eat.
(2011-04-06 09:27) You feel slightly invigorated from the slabs of flesh you consume. You gain 3 XP.
(2011-04-06 09:28) You carve pieces off Pelleas and give thanks to the ancestors as you eat.
(2011-04-06 09:28) You feel slightly invigorated from the slabs of flesh you consume. You gain 3 XP.

[Mortis]

Moments After The Death of Pelleas

The Narrator says "If I'm not mistaken, there's no killing allowed in here. Good. All this peace was boring me."
You attack Bobby the Hatchet with a blowpipe for 4 damage. They die. You gain 45 XP.
Underworld log successful.
You collect the head of Bobby the Hatchet and clean it up before adding the skull to what you're carrying.
The Narrator says "So Pelleas, Ms. Prosper, which one of you wants his skull? I'll be around town."
The Narrator says "Ms. Prosper, if there's anyone else that needs killing, do let me know. Like I said, all this peace is boring."

[Carreau]

Being randomly murdered by Bobby, being avenged by the Narrator, Jeanette killing herself...This bar is starting to get awesome. Glad to hear you're coming back for Jeanette, Hatchet. By the way, how do you prefer to be killed, bullets or heavy sword?

[Dani]

Just when you think you're safe...

Jeanette Prosper returns carrying several pumpkins under each arm in a most unlady-like manner. She corrects her movements when she sees the newcomer. "Bonjour m'sieu Nullus, bienvenue to La Belle Dame! Drink?"

Ratwiddle gives you a gourd of fungi juice.
Ratwiddle says “DON'T LET THEM GET YOU. I've seen souls condemned before and it was not nice at all. No, not at all.”
You hear Pelleas whisper “Yes, I too was a bit nervous of them. Looks can be deceiving I guess. They probably mean no harm though. I wonder what their story is though. Where did they come from etc?”
Pelleas says “No Madame Prosper, I'm fine for a drink for the moment. I still don't understand how you can offer all the alcohol for free though.”

You hear Nullus whisper “Sorry Madam, but I cannot stay and enjoy a drink now.”
You hear Nullus whisper “I tracked a most ruthless headhunter to your doorstep, and decided I should rest here for the night.”

You whisper to Nullus, “Au revoir m'sieu, bon chance!”

You hear Nullus whisper “I shall continue my hunt now, but I will surely stop by when I have more time for leisure.”

Bobby the Hatchet strolls in from the jungle, his wild eyes darting immediately to the cannibal hunter at the far end of the room.
Bobby the Hatchet casually reads the writing on the wall, cocking his head to the side. The various skulls and treasures he bears about his body clatter as he draws his sword with a bloody grin.
Bobby the Hatchet lunges at the hunter, driving the blade to the hilt. He grinds it around, the blade sticking out of the man's back swiping and shattering various bottles and gourds from the bar top.
Bobby the Hatchet erupts with laughter as the lifeblood spills down the blood gutter onto the hilt, running all over the savage's gnarled hands. "Last call for this pale face. I'm going to get drunk on his blood!"
Bobby the Hatchet tears the blade free and with a whirlwinding flourish of blood spatter, slices the man's head clean off.
Bobby the Hatchet kills Pelleas with a heavy sword.
Bobby the Hatchet chuckles ruefully as the body falls to the floor. He plucks up the head for his collection.
Bobby the Hatchet collects the head of Pelleas.
Bobby the Hatchet folds his arms and ponders over the menu for a moment. "You know, I merely came for a drink, but now I think I'll have the buffet..."
Bobby the Hatchet carves pieces off the body of Pelleas and begins eating!
Bobby the Hatchet carves pieces off the body of Pelleas and begins eating!
Bobby the Hatchet carves pieces off the body of Pelleas and begins eating!

Jeanette Prosper springs from her chair at the cannibal's entrance and watches helplessly as Pelleas gets digested. "Oh mon dieu, mon dieu!" Then, faced with her imminent death, she recovers & goes to the bar.
Jeanette Prosper grabs a platter of unbroken gourds and turns back to the dirty fiend watching her hungrily from the floor. She makes a sign of the cross. "Welcome to La Belle Dame, m'sieu...sometheeng to drink?"

The Narrator says “If I'm not mistaken, there is no killing allowed in here. Good then. All this peace was boring me. Let's go Bobby!”
The Narrator kills Bobby the Hatchet with a blowpipe.
The Narrator collects the head of Bobby the Hatchet.
The Narrator says “So Pelleas, Ms. Prosper, which of you wants his skull?”
The Narrator says “I'll be somewhere in town. You make sure to enjoy yourself here Ms. Prosper. Do let me know if there's anyone else that needs killing. Like I said, all this peace is boring.”

Jeanette Prosper exits the Saloon, then returns a few minutes later carrying a basin of holy water. She bends down next the the eaten-away body and begins pouring small amounts on Pelleas. "Go to le Dieu, m'sieu."
Jeanette Prosper makes a humphing sound and crosses her arms over her chest. "Dere be too much of zee action 'ere, n'est ce pas, m'sieu Pelleas? Zee Cannibal eez almost as bad as zee Pirate, mais oui!" She leaves.
Jeanette Prosper returns a few minutes later carrying several bottles of wine. "I swore I would not drink zee ardent spirits, mais zut alors, zis eez a bonheur to drink, mais oui!" She proves to be quite a lush.

Jeanette drinks several bottles of poison berry wine, going down to 5HP

Bobby The Hatchet kills her as a spirit.

Pelleas says “Getting murdered by Hatchet, having the Narrator killing him in revenge presumably on your behalf and you committing suicide?”
Pelleas says “This bar is pretty good.”

Hangovers suck

Jeanette Prosper lies on the couch, a wet cloth draped over her forehead. She turns at the sound of his voice. "Oh, m'sieu. I deed a bad theeng. Per'aps zee cannibal killing me was punishment from mon dieu?"
You say “Eet was not so much suicide, m'sieu, but zee liquor affected me strongly and zee cannibal attacked at my weakest. Now I eem stained forever by the taste on my lips. Zut alors!”
Jeanette Prosper turns back to face the ceiling. A few minutes pass by in silence. Then she says, "So can I geet you anot'er drink, m'sieu?"
Pelleas says “Oh don't worry Jeanette, a little alcohol never hurt anyone too much. But if it's a hangover cure you want, I do know a few.”
Pelleas gives you 4 gold coins.
Pelleas says “One of your finest beers please. Actually forget the finest part, most of the beer on this island tastes like cardboard.”

You give a bottle of banana beer to Pelleas.
You say “Zee bananas are mos' fraiche, m'sieu, I theenk you weell be impressed.”
Jeanette Prosper curls back up on the couch. "An' what sort of theengs do you suggest for zee 'angover? Prayer? 'Oly water? None of zee usual remedies seem to be working 'ere, mais non!" She looks most perplexed.
Jeanette Prosper shouts as if in mortal anguish: "Eet eez as eef le Dieu 'as abandoned me to my iniquities. Eet eez un disastre!" Despite this outburst, she doesn't seem afraid, but rather self-reflective.
You say “I eem afraid, m'sieu, zat I 'ave decided to become un independante...no longer aligned weeth zee Misfits een eeny way. I hope zat does not affect your custom, mais non!”

Pelleas says “Best hangover cure? The hair of the dog of course. Yes, I would be surprised if either of those thing made a massive difference to it.”
Pelleas says “Coffee isn't bad either, but I haven't even found any on this damned island anyway.”
Pelleas says “Relax Jeanette, that abandonment feeling will pass soon enough and you'll be back to your very odd French ways.”
Pelleas says “Well that's interesting but it doesn't really matter to me at all. A bar's a bar. ”
Pelleas says “Might I ask why you have decided to do that though?”

You say “Oui, I needed l'espace een my schedule for zee new clan 'Broken Arms'. Eet eez my answer to zee endless cycle of violence on zee island. Per'aps you weell join too?”
You say “Eet 'appens zat one of Broken Arms activities is to make zee Anglais tea out of zee 'ealing 'erbs and shaved pumpkin. You theenk tea might work as a 'angover remedy instead of le cafe, m'sieu Pelleas?”

[Dani]

The meaning of life is such a fuzzy concept

n.b: My computer crashed and I lost all my notes for this section, so I've reconstructed this part from memory. Some of the characters might sound a little off.

Wall E enters. "Prune juice! I must have prune juice!" Cue smashing furniture and kicking Pelleas up and down the floor.
Wall E says "When I return you will give me my prune juice!" He exits.

Pelleas says "Maybe next time you should just give him some prune juice."

Jeanette Prosper quits cowering under the bar and stands defiantly. "We do not give into terrorist demands. Fight to the death for my honour!"

Pelleas goes off to find a safer place to sleep. He comes back the next day.

Jeanette: You know, getting hammered really made me think about life and death stuff. I guess it's kinda kooky to believe in Christianity when there's no afterlife on Shartak, huh?

Pelleas: Lol! Hey you're metagaming. Btw I can't join your fake clan. *looks around* I saw a cannibal today.

Jeanette: okeydoke. But what do you think about that whole death thing? Doesn't really make sense to RP as a pious french nun-type if you're pretty much immortal.  

Pelleas: Yeah s'funny that no one ever talks about that whole death mechanic...maybe 'cause the game hardly makes sense even if you ignore the obvious IRL stuff! *peeks around the bar* watch out jeanette, there's a cannibal around here somewhere.

Jeanette: *does random chores to look busy* I guess I probably should have figured this out earlier. Well me, now what?

Pelleas: Hey, if there's no real way to die, does that mean there's no pirate scurvy either? Do people ever get sick on Shartak? 'on', I said 'on'. *checks inside random gourds* cannibals can fit into the tightest of spaces, ms. prosper. Or at least this one can. Why I remember Calliope Grieve once told me [CENSORED]

Here some level 1 newbie interrupts. Jeanette curtsies and does the usual bienvenue blab.

Mothuac: *whispers* Gimme a beer, rum, whatever. *he gives 1gc*

Jeanette gives Mothuac a beer and opens one for herself. They sit and drink in silence while Pelleas continues checking hiding spots for the cannibal and muttering dirty stories to himself. Eventually Jeanette passes out and when she comes to the newb is gone and so is Pelleas.

Why do you need so much fertilizer, m'sieu...?

Pelleas steps inside La Belle Dame.

Pelleas says “Well finally I managed to track down Tkltchk and slay him, but I felt it was a little too close for comfort.” in the native language.
Pelleas says “Twenty gourds or bottles of fungi juice please Jeanette.” in the native language.
Pelleas gives 100 gold coins to Jeanette Prosper.
Pelleas says "Also, the Royal Court seems to have vanished. It's quite odd.” in the native language.

Cobalt Manticore enters La Belle Dame. He gives Pelleas a skull.

Cobalt Manticore having identified Pelleas, speaks, "...I do not know. I came back from a longwalking quest for knowledge and returned to all the festive royal trappings of the court's hut being de-stinguished."
Cobalt Manticore says “I have my suspicions as to Why, but that is talk for friendlier climes.” with a slight accent. He exits.

Jeanette Prosper looks down at the large lump of gold glumly. "I apologize m'sieu, but zee maximum limit for fungi juice eez two per personne per visite. Dey are materiels dangereuse and a threat to zee ville."
Jeanette Prosper returns most of the gold, and two bubbling gourds of fungi juice in addition. "I geeve you a slight discount on zee jus, m'sieu, but eet eez all I can do until your next visite."
Jeanette Prosper gives Pelleas a gourd of fungi juice x2.

Pelleas says “Oh well, I suppose the rules are the rules. Thanks for the discount anyway.”

Jeanette Prosper seems to be struggling to keep a disapproving look from her eyes. "Tell me, m'sieu, what did zee Shaman want?"

Pelleas says “Cobalt? He was just answering a question I had for him.”

Jeanette Prosper takes a broom and begins sweeping the sawdust around the floor. "Eet eez getting too quiet for my liking, m'sieu. I eem considering going to zee montagne to get beaucoup fungi. Tomorrow, per'aps."

You say “'ow eez your hunt for zee cannibal going? What eez zee nom de guerre, uh, Twitchy-click?”

Jeanette Prosper enters the sidedoor to the chapel and returns carrying a basin of water and some lye. She dunks the empty gourds into the basin and starts scrubbing them. "Eet eez not zee 'oly water, m'sieu."

You say “I 'ave spent zee last few days pondering your question: I 'ave 'eard of des gens who get sick. Eet eez a wasting disease, a lethargie. Eet strikes zee jeunes and zee anciens aussi sans caution.”

Jeanette Prosper finishes the wash. "& eef you catch eet, dere eez a bon chance eet eez fatale. I can only theenk of one cure--beaucoup exercise! Le dieu, He deed not put us on l'isle to just layabout, mais non!"

Pelleas says “The world has many strange diseases out there and there are probably many more to be discovered yet.”

Jeanette Prosper goes out and dumps the dirty water, then re-enters the Saloon and sets the wet gourds upside down to dry. As she works she begins to hum a haunting tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqidM_U9rgU

[Dani]

A cure for feminine vapours

Pelleas says “Yes, things are quiet indeed. Unless you happen to perk your ears in the right direction. For example, I just found Tkltchk again.”
Pelleas says “I'm wuhdering wherar Rakthi's defetheth are at the munent?” with a slight accent.
Pelleas says ““I'm wondering where Raktam's defenders are at the moment?”
Pelleas says “That was a nice tune to have in my head while I was hacking the cannibal apart.”

Jeanette Prosper sticks her head out the doorway to take a long look. After a few minutes she ducks back in. "You and zee shaman were right--Eet eez like a ville of zee dead outside."

You say “Per'aps zis eez zee cure for my lethargie, for zee ennui: to find le Roi and returner heem to le T'rone.”

Jeanette Prosper frowns at her words. "I mean, zee Regent. Find zee Regent. Or do I? Per
Jeanette Prosper pauses. "To utter eenyt'ing more wood be treason. Alors, no more words. Now--actione!"

You say “But where to start look-ing? I eem not suited to zee jungle, mais non!”
You say “Per'aps zee Weekseeki can aide moi. At zee moindre, eet eez anot'er ville, and close by aussi. Oui, to Weekseek I weell go."

Jeanette Prosper turns back to Pelleas all a-flutter. She ties up her skirt to her legs ("for zee jungle eez no place for les moeurs of societe.”) and fills up a travelling sack with a number of different juices.
Jeanette Prosper crams as many gourds in as possible, then impulsively hands two gourds of fungi juice to Pelleas. "You'll need 'elp yourself, m'sieu, and without le Dieu you are lost, but zis will do in a pinch."
You give a gourd of fungi juice to Pelleas x2.
Jeanette Prosper lugs up her nearly overflowing sack and slings it over her shoulder, then reaches for the cutting knife under the bar. "Bon, I eem prete. Weesh me bon chance, m'sieu. I weell need zat & en plus!"
Jeanette Prosper jots a closed sign over the front of the bar with her knife, then heads out into the bright morning sunlight. "Au revoir, m'sieu Pelleas!" As she leaves, she steps in a large mudpie. "Zut alors!"

Revenge of the Zombie Queen

Jeanette starts walking in a westerly direction. Where's the Royal Court hut?

At an average looking hut you see some graffiti. It reads: Royal Court of Greater Raktam Hut.

Jeanette Prosper says "Oh."

You step inside. You see SofaKing.

Jeanette Prosper curtsies before the Regent. "M'sieu."

You say "Dere are many who whisper een zee Saloon dat Raktam's defenders 'ave vanished. Dey point to zee recent omens: Zee elusive cannibals, zee disrepair of zis hut."
Jeanette continues, "And dere are ot'er signs too, but only zee peigins believe such superstitions." She looks up and catches sight of the Regent's collection of charms, and hurries on. "Eet eez tres mal."
You say “I 'ave decided zat zee answer must be een zee same place that birthed us all, een zee forests and zee sea. Dere we will learn what le dieu wants of us.”
Jeanette Prosper frowns, "Mais non, I eem a dame, and not cut-out to trek across zee jungle. So I weell go to zee ville of Weekseek for a time, dere to seek answers. Per'aps I weell suceed? But eet must be done."

SofaKing says “There are indeed fell omens, Ms. Prosper.”
SofaKing says “Cannibals plague all of Shartak's settlements. They are as much facts of life as hunger tigers or aggressive shargles.”
SofaKing says “*ahem* Hungry, I mean.”

Jeanette Prosper curtsies nervously. "As I say, m'sieu, dere are ot'er omens...and les gens speak to me, I know not of such t'ings being a good Christian femme."

SofaKing says “They are no omens. We fight against them as we fight against all aggressive life. But the throne room reverting to this disheveled state? Yes. That is a poor omen indeed.”
SofaKing says “More troubling still - I have word that my mother walks amongst the living once more.”
SofaKing says “That her return would coincide with the transformation of the throne room is no coincidence.”
SofaKing says “Tell me, what answers do you believe you will find in Wiksik? What are you searching for?”
SofaKing says “And what other omens? What do the people say? I must know, if I am to serve Raktam to the best of my ability. ”
SofaKing says “Worry not about giving offense. I am no Cobalt Manticore, a slave to a fitful temper.”

You say “M'sieu, I eem not certaine. Eet eez merely zee one ot'er place on zee Ile weeth a, uh, kingdom. For comparaison, m'sieu...&, eef I must...per'aps zee peigins of zee Dead Man's Guild know somet'ing."

SofaKing says “Ah, Etherdrifter. A soul that claims to know much, although the reality of whether he does or doesn't has not been revealed. ”
SofaKing says “Still, he has been a friend in the past.”
SofaKing says “Should you go, give him this as a gift. ”
SofaKing gives you a smokey crystal.
SofaKing gives you a glowing crystal pendant.

Jeanette Prosper takes both the crystal objects and stares at the pantheist trinkets with a flicker of disdain before slipping them into the folds of her dress. She nods. "Oui, m'sieu."
You say “As for zee omens...Een truth, m'sieu, I deed not know zee progenitor of zee Cours 'as...returned from zee dead. But all dat I 'ear eez zat Raktam's defenders are no more. Even zee Shaman speaks so.”

SofaKing says “I still defend Raktam.”
SofaKing holds up a gruesome skull.
SofaKing says “I have the skulls to prove it.”
SofaKing says “But I no longer have the voice to compel others to fight with me. ”
SofaKing says “I am not fit to lead the Court much longer.”
SofaKing says “If our town is to be worthy of defense, the people must take up arms and defend themselves. ”

You say “Eez dere some message you wood 'ave me geeve to zee Dead Man or zee Weekseeki Roi?”

SofaKing says “You will not find the King of Wiksik in Wiksik. He is prosecuting a personal war in Durham against their new government.”
SofaKing says “I was invited to join, but declined out of respect for my alliance with the Durham leader.”
SofaKing says “As for Etherdrifter, just tell him that the Court reaffirms its friendship with the Necromancer's Guild, and ask if he has any knowledge of Blue Hummingbird and her return from the dead... ”
SofaKing says “or indeed, if he has any knowledge of her whereabouts. I have not seen my mother, and I should like to speak with her.”

Jeanette Prosper looks faintly alarmed at the Regent's despair. "Oh, m'sieu," and begins to comfort him, when a new thought occurs to her. "M'sieu, I must ask...eef you fall, will zee Risen Queen returner 'ere?

SofaKing says “I have no knowledge of the Queen's motives or ambitions. Should she want to rule the Court, I would very willingly preside over her coronation.”

Jeanette Prosper seems to be curtsying frequently now. "Eet eez not that I expect you to fall..." Indeed, she looks horror-struck at the idea of an undead liege-hag assuming the throne. "Eet eez getting late..."

SofaKing nods absent-mindedly. "Yes, my mother frightens many people..."
SofaKing says “Before you go to Wiksik, do you have need of any material aid? Gold, herbs? Weapons?”
SofaKing says “Ah, I forget myself. You do not partake of the sacred herb. I apologize. I have none of the paleface aid kits on my person.”

Jeanette Prosper pauses in her effusions to consider the question. "I 'ave le jus and le vin to sell or sweeten tongues, m'sieu...but I could use a sharp machete. En cas of defense from zee animaux...or ot'ers."

SofaKing gives you a machete x3.
SofaKing says “They may break or dull. Take these, and may the skygods...”
SofaKing trails off.
SofaKing says “... may your deity grant you a safe journey.”

Jeanette Prosper collects the weapons with rather more care than she showed the delicate crystal gifts. "Merci m'sieu! Au revoir!" She leaves, slips in a mudpie, & smacks her head on a skullpost, knocking her out.

Next week--La Belle Dame goes on the road to Wiksik! When will Jeanette croak, and how? Man, animal, alcohol poisoning? Place your bets here!

[Neil Tathers]

OOC: I enjoy Jeanette's adventures, but man, ready her dialogue gives me headaches.

[Dani]

ooc: It must be working then. 

[Dani]

Travels with the Frog Princess

Jeanette Prosper looks around at the fiery devastation. "Le jungle, eet eez all en flamme!"

Stuck in the ground is a makeshift sign. It reads “NW: Raktam || Wiksik: SE”.

Here you can see Hafta (50 of 70 HP)

You say “You look tres t'irsty. per'aps eet eez zee grande flamme all over 'ere. I 'ave some jus de pumpkin eef you weesh a drink.”
You give a gourd of pumpkin juice to Hafta.
You say “Moi, I eem Jeanette Prosper, proprietress to La Belle Dame Saloon en le Raktam, currently en a quest to find zee truth of zee bad omens dat grip zee ville. Et toi?”
You say “I eem going to le Week-seek to talk to zee Dead Man's Guild. I also 'ave a variete of liquors eef you weesh to make a small donatione?”
You say “Mais oui, I eem more worried about zee triales ahead--you 'ave come zis way, what can I expect to find down zee path?”

A tiger attacks you for 3 damage x5.
Hafta uses a healing herb on you and restores 10 health.
Hafta uses a healing herb on you and heals your old wound.
Hafta uses a healing herb on you and restores 5 health.
Hafta says “I met no dangers on the path, save for the animals who hunt. As is their nature.”
Hafta gives you a healing herb x2.
Hafta says “Take those, in case you are less fortunate.”
Hafta bows.

Autumn Thunder drifts merrily by you, spouting random French words. "Bonjour! Au Revoir! Sacre Bleu! Telephoner!"

Here you can see Atropos.
Jeanette Prosper winces outwardly at such a grotesque woman-like thing on the side of the road.
Jeanette Prosper summons up all her French grace and manners and greets the old crone: "Ugh! What eez eet zat you are?"
Jeanette Prosper waits for a response but the old buzzard says nothing in reply. Suddenly, Jeanette is moved by an odd sensation: humility.
You give a gourd of pumpkin juice to Atropos.
You say "Au revoir...madame."

Jeanette Prosper takes a sip of her own gourd and feels strangely light-headed.

Here you can see Autumn Thunder.
You say "Bonjour madamoiselle!"
You say “I eem on my way to zee Weekseek, to parley with zee Guild of zee Dead Man. Would you like some jus de pumpkin? I also have jus de fungi and le vin, but doz I ask for a donatione, mais oui.”
You give a gourd of pumpkin juice to Autumn Thunder.
You say “Per'aps we rencontre encore en zee road. Au revoir, petit ange!”

Jeanette Prosper takes another sip of her pumpkin juice and feels very tired all of a sudden. She falls down in a swoon, while visions swirl in front of her eyes. She wakes up.

Here you see a Easter Bunny and a tiger.
You say "Peigin idol! A moquery of le dieu!"
You attack the Easter Bunny with a machete for 2 damage x8
Not mentioned: about 3-4 misses for every hit. Girls with no training at all in combat should not be taking on tigers and chocolate rabbits.
A Easter Bunny attacks you for 4 damage x5.
A tiger attacks you for 3 damage x4

Jeanette Prosper limps away (bleeding), finally reaching the relative safety of Wiksik. Just to be safe, she enters the nearest dark hole in the ground.

[Dani]

Got your Franglais-Anglais Dictionary handy?

A small pool of water in the centre of a cavern.

Here you can see Flex Mentallo, The Demon Bear, and Vyxzuw (49 of 50 HP).
Also here is a parrot.

Jeanette Prosper steps daintily into the pool, edging up her skirt to her ankles and sitting as far away from the hulking monster in the corner. She also shrinks away from the Bear too.
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use healing herbs to stop the bleeding before you die.
Jeanette Prosper clutches her side, trying to hide the wound, but the Demon Bear raises his nose and sniffs the dank air. "Uh...je m'excuse m'sieus, but does eenyone 'ave a FAK for moi?" She winces. "or zee herb?"
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use healing herbs to stop the bleeding before you die.
Jeanette Prosper shudders as the demon bear inches closer, its red eyes reflecting only a bestial dumbness and savagery. "I 'ave beaucoup de jus or de vin, even zee jus de fungi, a specialite of La Belle Dame."

A parrot squawks "The Munch is in the hut southwest of the med hut, if you'd like to pay him a visit."

Jeanette Prosper decides to distract the demon bear by drinking copious amounts of alcohol.
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use healing herbs to stop the bleeding before you die.
Jeanette Prosper glances up at the parrot flapping about the cave. "merci m'sieu parrot, but I eem not sure zee Munch can aide moi, unless he eez an 'ealer, & not a villain like zee ot'ers." The parrot just caws.
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use healing herbs to stop the bleeding before you die.
Jeanette Prosper seems about to reiterate her request for healing when the Demon Bear suddenly lurches forward in the water, growling at her. Jeanette looks very cross, or just bleary-eyed. "Zat eez far enough!"
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use healing herbs to stop the bleeding before you die.
Jeanette Prosper glances imploringly at Flex, but the man just keeps raising his biceps in her direction most inappropriately. She sighs and kicks her heels uselessly at the water's edge.

Flex Mentallo flexes his biceps in the spirit of divine righteousness. Jeanette Prosper cannot believe her eyes as the man before her flexes more than any normal man seems capable of.
Flex Mentallo flexes with such flexation that the very wounds that vex the poor woman spontaneously heal themselves as the wounds are so amazed.
Flex Mentallo uses a healing herb on you and restores 8 health.
Flex Mentallo uses a healing herb on you and heals your old wound.
Flex Mentallo says “WELL HELLO THERE!”
Flex Mentallo booms with incredible force. His diaphragm's muscular tension must be far beyond that of any normal man.
Flex Mentallo says “Welcome... to the HOT TUB OF THE BEACH!”
Flex Mentallo says “Don't be afraid of The Demon Bear... for do you not know... that ALL who feel fear in his presence BURN AT THE DEMON BEAR'S TOUCH!”
Flex Mentallo says “Well, not really, but he's less likely to eat you if you give him gifts and proper obeisance. ”
Flex Mentallo says “And don't kill his bird. ”
Flex Mentallo says “the PARROT of the BEACH!”
Flex Mentallo says “So, what brings you down here to speak with a demonic ursine and a tanned paragon of human fitness?”

A parrot makes a sound remarkably similar to a human cough.

Jeanette Prosper shudders in what could be construed as a religious ecstasy or simply feminine vapours at the combination of the hot-tub and the flexing giant of a man. "Oh, m'sieu...Merci beaucoup!"
You say “I was attacked by a tigress and zee blood, ooh zee blood." She abruptly stops talking about blood once she realizes that her blood is still on the water and the Demon Bear is also lurking nearby.”
Jeanette Prosper takes out a gourd of mango wine and sets it on the edge of the pool. "I uh, hope zis eez a fitting cadeux for zee monstre. M'sieu, can zee Bear t'ink, vraiment, or eez eet just a dumb animal?"
Jeanette Prosper realizes just a little too late that her French grace has failed her once again, but cunningly recovers her poise. "Je m'excuse, m'sieu Bear...I was just t'inking out loud, mais oui!"
You say “But as for why I eem 'ere een le Week-Seek, alors, eet eez to visite zee trois rois: Zee roi of zee terre, zee roi of zee gens, and zee roi of zee mortes, and demander dere advice for mon Regent.”

Jeanette Prosper shrugs. "But which eez which, je ne c'est pas. Zee roi of zee mortes, I t'ink eez zee leader of zee Dead Man's Guild. I 'ave some crystals to give to 'em from zee Regent, and berry wine from moi."
You say “Zee Roi of zee mortes, he eez a follower of zee peigin dieus, alors, I fear he weell not aide un pauvre Christian dame. So zee berry vin eez to persuader 'em to *geeve up zee ghost*, comprenez-vous?”
You say “Originalement, I was only to rencontre weeth zee roi of zee terre, but when I demander mon regent for permission I feared he wood not let moi go for just zat, & I decider to find zis ot'er roi aussi.”

You say “Alors, eet was just le deux rois, a premiere, oui? But den on zee road to Week-Seek I met an old crone, tres ugly, named Atropos, & I felt sorry for her, so I geeve her a jus de pumpkin and continuer.”
You say “Mais uh, when I 'ad a sip of my own jus, moi, I became fatiguer, and I 'eard a voix telling me to find zee roi of zee gens and demander him aussi. Alors, trois rois. Dere are beaucoup rois 'ere, non?”
Jeanette Prosper shivers, either from the dank air or from talking so long to such a flexible man. "& weeth each roi I must demander him zee question een mon dream: What eez eet dat silencer ma ville, mon regent?"
You say “& en plus, how can le Raktam be sauver from eets own doom? Dere are bad omens dere: Zee huts, dey are deserter, zee Cours de Roi eez en disrepair, zee cannibals, dey prowl, & zee Hummingbird stirs.”

Jeanette Prosper shakes her head sadly. "I eem just zee proprietress of La Belle Dame, not a warrior or a jesuit. What can a villager simple possibly do 'ere? But zee dream, eet beckons toujours, ah mon dieu!"

[Cobalt Manticore]

Meeowch!

SofaKing says “Worry not about giving offense. I am no Cobalt Manticore, a slave to a fitful temper.”

Really? RrEaLLy? Do I Really seem like all that Bad a guy? {I'm Cut to the Quick!} See if I continue leaving dead parrots on the royal hut doorstep anymore.