my brother is dead

[error]

I've been debating whether or not to make this thread. But I can't sleep. My younger brother, he was twenty was pretty well liked by plenty of people. He was charismatic and witty and had a lot of friends. He was talented, was trying to make it as a graphic artist and he seemed confident in his abilities. I felt he had a bright future...

But over the weekend he took a gun and shot himself, in the chest. I heard about it yesterday, and it was shocking... I couldn't believe it, I'm still not sure i believe it. The police came by said it was true, I talked to my dad over the phone who found his body he said it was true. I've talked to my mom and my sister, it's start all very startling and unbelievable.

And so I tried to sleep on it, but... I just can't sleep. These questions keep cycling through my mind, all along the lines of, how could this happen and why would he do this? And when I'm talking to people, I don't know what to say. I keep saying "I don't understand."

I felt bad earlier, and I was close with my brother, I cried. I've lost people before, but this is a worst. The others, my grandmother, my stepmom and my godfather, although I cared very much about those people they were sick, those cases of terminal diseases you can prepare for. But suicide, when you thought the person was stronger than that or in this case had absolutely no reason...

Well, not sure if this is the greatest thing to post here. I don't want to bring anyone down too much. I can't get to sleep and I don't really have any great strategies to distract myself. So this thread was more or less inevitable.

[Solemn]

Christing hell.

My sympathies to you.  It's best not to dwell on the matter to an extent where it messes with you like that.

Don't be sad he's gone.  Be glad he was a part of your life.

[CyAdora]

error I am so sad to read that. Writing is a helpful tool, but dont think you are alone. Let yourself go through the stages of grief because it is important to digest it and find closure.
He is relieved from his pain, for whatever reason, be at peace knowing he is free.

My heart is with you.

[Anthor]

Error, I'm so so sorry. You have our deepest sympathy,  thoughts and prayers. I don't know if there's anything that can be said to make you feel better, like Cy said you'll need to let yourself go through the grief process. We can never know what a person is going through on the inside that would make them take their own life, but know that it was not your fault, nor anyone else's. If you need to talk, come on the IRC channel. I won't be on until later but there's usually someone on. Your also welcome to post more here if it helps, or PM privately.

Take care,

Ant

[Etherdrifter]

My deepest condolences to you.

Suicide is one of those things that always comes as a shock, even the strongest people give in to the temptation sometimes.  It's not a reflection on them, but a result of life throwing one too many hard times their way.

Cy's advice is, indeed, the best that can be given.  Grieve and work through it, there is no shame in being upset.

[Iceman]

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine a worse way to lose a loved one. But the questions you have can wait for later - right now, just grieve.

And I know this sounds trite, but I believe that the ones we love are never truly gone, as long as we remember them. That's helped me before, during some difficult times.

[Bobby the Hatchet]

Sorry for your loss. There's really nothing any of us can say to truly ease the burden, but just know that you're not entirely alone out there. Take the time to grieve. No one's to blame, many a good men come and go. Sometimes the best distraction is to face it head on and take life as it comes. Remember the good times and grow stronger through all of this.

[Noah-san]

Sorry to hear about your loss Error. We are all here if you need an ear to listen to you. *hugs*

[Mortis]

Terrible news error, and I sympathize with you completely. As Etherdrifter said, even the strongest of people give in to the temptation sometimes. I only hope that you find a healthy way to process this. I'm here if you decide you need me.

[Zen Gate]

error, you have our sympathies, regrets, condolences, sorries, thoughts, prayers, and every other eloquent word used to express social meaningfulness in the advent of death. There is no shame in unveiling your situation to a profoundly understanding community.

Whatever compounding psychological strains affected him will remain with him and is beyond anyone's judgment. You have a month or so to grieve. Anything more is excessive, and your brother surely wouldn't want you to dwell on this. Avoid intoxicants as a form of emotional negation.

My advice to you is this: After opening your mind's gate to the sheer amount of sorrow natural for anyone who has lost a loved one, try to think happy thoughts. Less room for negative emotions that way.


One final reminder: This event will change your outlook on life. If there are questions you must ask, familiarize yourself with them entirely to ease the loss. You are not alone.

[Jack Bauer]

I don't know how well I can relate I recently lost the woman that raised me. I never knew my mother but I like to think we shared a similar bond. I watched her wither away from kidney failure at least I have something to blame with suicide I imagine you wonder what more you could have done. Drinking helps a lot vodka has made many a bad night go by for me. Family and friends are important now it may seem lame but you need to let someone know how you feel. If you bottle it up it wont end well. Make your peace at the funeral when you look in on that casket and you see the body say what you need to say it has a powerful effect. Above all don't blame yourself the kind of sadness that puts a gun to someone's head isn't something you could have stopped. Coming from an anonymous internet poster that may not mean much but it's important that you don't blame yourself. I'd buy some liquor and keep it by your bedside, a little nightcap while your grieving might be just what you need until it sets in. After awhile you wont need it, until then alcohol can make those bad thoughts go away, trust me.

[Mortis]

Jack I just might have to recommend A.A. for you.

[error]

Thanks everyone here. So as the week has been passing we've been preparing for the funeral and such and I've been keeping myself busy, my brother had many friends and I've been working to keep them informed as to when the memorial and funeral will be, and asking for pictures and talking with some who wish to give eulogies. Keeps me busy.

My father is a wreck, he blames himself since the incident happened at his office with his gun. Another person who my brother was speaking with on line last week suspected this might happen. But my father couldn't forsee this happening, and he found the body... horrifying thing to stumble upon. the other person, the one who was speaking to him IM really didn't believe it could happen and tried to help as best they could. I'm not angry with anyone. I know that everyone that knew him is hurting.

I find myself listening to my brothers favorite musical artist, Andrew Bird, trying to decide which album will be most fitting for the memorial. I'm thinking the album this songs and this song are from will be the best choice.

Like I've said to everyone who has asked. I'm not entirely fine right now, but I believe with time I will start to feel better.

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Error - that's got to be amongst the worst news anyone can ever receive.

You are, more or less, utterly anonymous here. You have the ear and sympathies of us all. I think if you need to ventilate the hurt, anger, guilt, and horror of what you are experiencing, to an objective, sympathetic audience, you could do here if you needed to do so, with a low risk of repercussions in your life.

[Mortis]

Yes, anonymity is important here, cuz lets face it, none of us can vote in a national election.