Oh, you non-existent, totalitarian, imaginary, above-time-and-space and cruel spirit. It is none of your business what I do on my free weekends.
You asked for it now, here is my sin. Only to annoy your very essence.
I have been secretly meeting with concubines of various rulers of Shartak with the intention to break them free from the duties and make these women into anarchistic and proud individuals. And possibly follow me instead of a ruler, of course. I am not regretting this and I will gladly repeat such actions numerous times in the future. Indeed, I am planning to.
Now, will you leave me alone with your annoying all-seeing eye or should I bring the ultimate paradox of goodness into this? You know you do not want that. And I have violated my personal integrity by speaking to you here. Enough is enough.
"Spirit"? I am not God, but instead am just His humble messenger. And none of this, "How can God be both omnipotent and benevolent" paradox rubbish, nor this "there is no free will and no predestination when there is no evidence of destiny and humans are preprogrammed in their responses by learned behaviour, genetic disposition and chaotic data" nonsense.
Otherwise, LUST. Lust is a sin. A quite enjoyable sin, but a very naughty one. You are lusting after another's partner. If you were
, then God says that's ok. (I think that's right. Homosexuality is a sin, lust is a sin, so the two cancel each other out.) Liberation from bondage and slavery, both explicitly permitted by the Bible, is no excuse. Your penance: wrap iron filament wire around your privates and jump into a saline solution. You may even enjoy it.
And now, a gratuitous quote from The Simpsons:
Reverend Lovejoy: Get a divorce.
Helen Lovejoy: Mmm-hmm.
Marge: But isn't that a sin?
Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything's a sin.
[holds up a Bible]
Reverend Lovejoy: Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not supposed to go to the bathroom.
