Daily Acts of Supervillainy

[Euphenics]

Went to look at a volcanic island with a subterranean lair this morning. I thought that I might be able to squeeze my space beasts into the crocodile pit traps from the dimensions, but it's clear to me after seeing it that it wouldn't fly without costly fifth dimensional renovations and removal of irradiated crocodile corpses. The real estate agent conveniently neglected to mention that the property has previously been raided by Regulated Superpersons Union associates in multiple sting operations and that they may have left landmines. I found it suspicious to say the least to hear that Emperor Deathmuffins was selling his favourite base of operations, where he buried all that Kuwaiti gold and krugerrands he stole from Captain Angelfist, well below market value. Especially since RSU union delegate Justice Demokrazy killed him with his own deliciousness ray several weeks ago. And a considerable quantity of explosives if the abnormally distressed armour floor panels in his empty strongroom are anything to go by. I decided to look elsewhere when I discovered Deathmuffins had cheapened out and installed baseboard heating instead of an obvious geothermal solution.

How was your day supervillains?

[Euphenics]

Snozone tried to seduce me into quiting evil and joining the RSU. You aren't fooling me, I happen to know that they have a strict policy against coworker relationships. So I froze Snozone's precious boots to the ground and went back to melting down e-meters.

[FirstAmongstDaves]

http://www.villainsource.com/lairs.html

I recommend the secluded mountaintop villa. Nice views.

[Zeek]

just got the repair estimate on my neutron laser. seems it'll need a whole new set of lenses, which are not as it turns out, covered under my extended service plan. and to top it off, the hench-person's union is giving me for throwing employees into a vat of acid after they broke the damn thing. i think they're just trying to leverage an upgrade to the dental plan though.

[Bobby the Hatchet]

I ordered a pair of baby slippers, size 12 wide, and they send me 11 regular. Naturally I destroyed the entire planet with a laser beam.

[Buttercup]

I must thank Euphenics for starting this thread. It is always enjoyable to chat with fellow supervillians.

My current plans are to organize a global network of minions. I read children's books in the library and attend services at a local religious organization in an effort to disguise my intentions of world domination. So far it has been effective, but still I need to acquire a secret lair in order to enhance and speed up coordination of my efforts.

I am considering starting a global conspiracy on the internet, disguised as a game, as a means of recruitment. It would be a metagame involving browser-based MMOs, but what exactly it entails I, unfortunately, must for now keep secret even from my fellow supervillians.

And all this just to get someone's attention.

*Sigh* Such is the life of a supervillian.

[Vetari]

I had to feed another of my scientists to my pet fish today. He failed me for the last time. I told him that our henchmen should be injected EXACTLY 12.0000043 cc of my secret serum to turn them into my mindless super soldiers. But no, the bumbling fool gave them 12.0000044 cc! He should have known better. My henchman turned into a puddle of useless goo.

Good help is so hard to find these days.

[Bobby the Hatchet]

Henchmen are so yesterday. Might I suggest a Robotic Needle Injection Machine? I commanded a small army of them during World War 1.5 performing a series of remote zombification injections and I must say, they worked like a charm. That's why you've never read about it in a history book...

[Zeek]

you're living in the past bobby. while i'm sure your bots were hot back in the 20s, today's modern emp weaponry has made them obsolete. the future is genetic engineering and bioaugs.

if you ask nicely i might be willing to part with the secret recipe for my reptilian bat-lions, or perhaps my arthropoidal bear-sharks. last year's models of course. shall we say $3.2m each? neutron lenses are not cheap.

[Vetari]

you're living in the past bobby. while i'm sure your bots were hot back in the 20s, today's modern emp weaponry has made them obsolete. the future is genetic engineering and bioaugs.

True, although inorganics have their purposes too, but not as reliable for protecting a tropical island lair. The humidity interferes with their circuitry.
Zeek, how much food do your bear-sharks require on a daily basis? They might not be cost-effective.

[AlexanderRM]

Curses, I've just gotten back from Iceland, if I'd thought of it I could have set up a volcanic lair under that huge glacier they have. Plenty of geothermal electricity to power my robots and superweapons. Then I could have activated the volcanoes to melt the glacier and flood the world, though obviously I would much prefer to take over the world.

Perhaps we could all move there and quasi-pool our resources to build a network of fortresses to hedge out the RSU? We could then use Shartak as a recruitment base disguised as an online game. I know nobody wants to share world domination, but we have to compete with each other anyway and if we can defeat the good guys and the rest of the supervillains, we'll have a much greater chance of individual success. 

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Yes, I suppose we could all join forces, but I'd just end up backstabbing you all.

[Vetari]

How about we not join forces? Instead, we leave each other alone until they infringe on our claimed territories.

I lay claim to the all the islands of Southeast Asia and Oceania, excluding Australia and New Zealand. My army of henchmen will back my claim.

[Swarm]

I take Antartica, where I will genetically enhance penguins and make them into vicious predators.  

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Yes, yes, you take those places, yes....