Big Trouble in Little Raktam (a Mercenary's Vengeance)

[Bobby the Hatchet]

Got tired of bare-knuckle boxing tigers out in the jungle, so I figured I'd mosey into town and kill me a king before daylight.

The Prisoner takes a drag off a cigarette. "Damn, this is cuttin' it a little close. All that gold makes a man a little more greedy and a lot more careless..."
Regaining your balance after what would have been a complete miss, you manage a glancing blow.
You attack Baraka with a knife for 1 damage. They die. You gain 38 XP.
Underworld log successful.

[iwashere]

Heads?!?

Nobody uses those anymore!!! 

I hear some of them filthy cannibals use 'em in a bouillon base. Nothing goes to waste with them savages.

Sounds tasty

At times they've been known to use skulls as bowls.

COLLECT THE WHOLE SET!   

See, that might not work with mine.

While Anthor can confirm that I have a really big head, I can confirm that it is complemented by my really big eyes.

[Mortis]

Heads?!?

Nobody uses those anymore!!! 

I hear some of them filthy cannibals use 'em in a bouillon base. Nothing goes to waste with them savages.

Sounds tasty

At times they've been known to use skulls as bowls.

COLLECT THE WHOLE SET!   

See, that might not work with mine.

While Anthor can confirm that I have a really big head, I can confirm that it is complemented by my really big eyes.

Then it would make a fine mask 

[KingBiscuit]

You whisper to The Prisoner , “Stay out of Raktam, gutter trash. ” in the outsider language.
You whisper to The Prisoner , “Your smell makes you easy to track. Try bathing. ” in the outsider language.
SofaKing rabbit punches The Prisoner in the skull. "Say goodnight."
You attack The Prisoner with a punch for 2 damage. They die.
You collect the head of The Prisoner and clean it up before adding the skull to what you're carrying.
You step outside.
You climb inside.
You say “Ho ho! Look who I found next door, my king!”
You hold up the bloodied skull so it can be admired.
You say “The Prisoner. Your death is avenged.”


Want Iwashere's skull, Mortis? You can have it for free. I'll drop it off next time I see you.

[Endzone]

I'm not sure if I should be upset or overjoyed to have Monaliza and Phil fighting over me...

[iwashere]

Want Iwashere's skull, Mortis? You can have it for free. I'll drop it off next time I see you.

Died: 95 times

It's not exactly a collector's item.

[CyAdora]

monaliza runs upto Kouksdaiz Grox with her heavy sword over her head.

You say “HOW DARE YOU WORK FOR THE OUTSIDERS???!!??”
You say “you have turned your back on your people. ”
You say “now, on behalf of Raktam, I shall send you to your death. Consider what side you should be on.”

You fire at Kouksdaiz Grox with a blowpipe for 4 damage. They die.

You say “you have the choice. Next time you stand up, drop your 'dirty' affiliation and join us. Join your brothers and sister to preserve what is rightfully ours.”

Big Trouble in Little Raktam (a Mercenary's Vengeance)
Not exactly vengeance when you are all dead.

[Iceman]

Not all of them, sweetcakes.

In the jungles of Raktam...

Sympathetic Phil smirks to himself as he spots a familiar figure stalking through the thick undergrowth. He melts silently back into the thick jungle, grinning wolfishly.
Sympathetic Phil watches as monaliza makes her way blithely past his hiding place. His hand reaches out slowly, and with a quick jerk, picks up a nearby branch and tosses it into the greenery across the trail.
Sympathetic Phil darts out of concealment as monaliza's head whips around to where the branch crashes through the leaves. He wraps a large arm around her throat, pulling her tight to him.
Sympathetic Phil holds the wildly struggling native queen firmly, and despite her ferocious efforts she is unable to free her sword arm. She curses and spits, and Phil chuckles nastily.
Sympathetic Phil leans close to monaliza's ear, to whisper softly. "And so we finally meet, your Majesty..."
Sympathetic Phil draws his dagger across her graceful throat. Blood sprays the nearby undergrowth, and sheets down the warrior queen's dusky neck and chest in a flood.
You attack monaliza with a knife for 2 damage. They die.
Sympathetic Phil continues to hold the native woman as her struggles rapidly weaken and then cease. She slumps in his arms. With a grunt, Phil drops her to the jungle floor.
Sympathetic Phil squats beside the dead queen. He runs a hand across her face, closing the eyes that stare blankly up at the jungle canopy. "And so. I was starting to wonder if I'd ever bloody run into you..."
You say “...what with you going into hiding at the mention of my name." Phil shrugs. "Don't feel bad about it, my raw masculinity intimidates a lot of women. It's my bloody curse and my blessing, eh?”
Sympathetic Phil smacks at the back of his neck, grimacing. "Bloody bugs. Where was I? Oh yeah. Gloating." Phil stands up and rolls his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and sighs it back out.
You say “I'm not going to lie to you, queenie. I'm not sorry I did that. You bloody well brought this on yourself, and on your people. Why couldn't you just be bloody smart?”
Sympathetic Phil runs a hand through his hair. "I know you people are all a bit simple, what with the worshipping trees and animals and licking all those bloody frogs and stuff...
You say “...but surely the concept of a bloody mercenary isn't that hard to :palm:ing understand? I get paid, I kill people. I don't make the bloody decisions, I'm a means to an end...”
Sympathetic Phil frowns in puzzlement. "...and yet where does the blame land? Squarely on my bloody shoulders, that's where. Not the bastard that paid me, oh bloody no. It's the big bad bloody mercenary's fault!"
Sympathetic Phil spits a gobbet of phlegm. "That for that!" He reaches down and seizes a handful of monaliza's dress, yanking the body off the floor, and snarls "Well, this time I AM bloody making the decisions!"
Sympathetic Phil flings the lolling corpse contemptuously back to the floor. "And so, Your Majesty, this time I AM the bad guy. The :palm:ing baddest. And you've got no-one but yourself to bloody blame."
Sympathetic Phil gazes coldly down at the woman he has just killed. "As I understand the concept of monarchy, the Queen is Raktam, and so Raktam is the Queen, no?"
Sympathetic Phil clenches a fist. "And that means your people will pay the price for your stupidity. I'll let you take that thought with you as you go into the darkness."
Sympathetic Phil smiles grimly. "I've never put my foot in the of an entire town before..."
Sympathetic Phil steps over the body to push his way through the jungle in the direction of Raktam. Behind him, flies are already settling in to the rich feast of blood that soaks the jungle floor.

Any time you want to beg on your knees for me to call off my mercenaries, feel free.

[Mortis]

Want Iwashere's skull, Mortis? You can have it for free. I'll drop it off next time I see you.

Died: 95 times

It's not exactly a collector's item.

Actually I may eventually seek to collect the skull of the most well known characters of shartak. (Purely for the sake of doing it)

Not quite sure when, so I'll just put it off for a while, til I can get some stability

[KingBiscuit]

Boo hoo, somebody killed me, now I'm going to kick over their sandcastle and steal all their toys. Oh, and get all my employees killed, for good measure.

If you're really such a good mercenary Phil, how much does it cost for you to bugger off and let civilized people lead civilized lives?

EDIT: The Pirate High Command's mercenary assistance of the Mercenary Guild begins auspiciously.

You whisper to FirstAmongstDaves , “Goodnight, pirate. Time to die.”
You attack FirstAmongstDaves with a heavy sword for 5 damage. They die. You gain 45 XP.

All dirty unwashed peoples, please extricate yourselves from Raktam immediately.

[iwashere]

All dirty unwashed peoples, please extricate yourselves from Raktam immediately.

Hey, I took my bi-monthly bath just last Saturday.

[Mortis]

Boo hoo, somebody killed me, now I'm going to kick over their sandcastle and steal all their toys. Oh, and get all my employees killed, for good measure.

If you're really such a good mercenary Phil, how much does it cost for you to bugger off and let civilized people lead civilized lives?

EDIT: The Pirate High Command's mercenary assistance of the Mercenary Guild begins auspiciously.

You whisper to FirstAmongstDaves , “Goodnight, pirate. Time to die.”
You attack FirstAmongstDaves with a heavy sword for 5 damage. They die. You gain 45 XP.

All dirty unwashed peoples, please extricate yourselves from Raktam immediately.

I am far from dirty. I made sure to seal myself in a sterile hut 

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Boo hoo, somebody killed me, now I'm going to kick over their sandcastle and steal all their toys. Oh, and get all my employees killed, for good measure.

If you're really such a good mercenary Phil, how much does it cost for you to bugger off and let civilized people lead civilized lives?

EDIT: The Pirate High Command's mercenary assistance of the Mercenary Guild begins auspiciously.

You whisper to FirstAmongstDaves , “Goodnight, pirate. Time to die.”
You attack FirstAmongstDaves with a heavy sword for 5 damage. They die. You gain 45 XP.

All dirty unwashed peoples, please extricate yourselves from Raktam immediately.

Attacked and killed under a [false] flag of truce! Didn't you read the [lies] writing on the hut that I came as an emissary [assassin] to discuss terms [lie some more] with the royal couple? Outrageous behaviour by the primitives!

Yeah, I foolishly let Taiaka off the hook in the hut next door. Read his profile and felt sorry for him, pointed him in the direction of Dalpok.

[KingBiscuit]

I am far from dirty. I made sure to seal myself in a sterile hut 

Mortis, I mean the foul-smelling paleskins who worry that washing away their filth will harm their tender tissues, allowing contagions to flourish. Their practices are as superstitious as they are smelly. Us civilized types must keep our villages clear of such primitive practices, less the children be led astray.

Also property values.

[CyAdora]

In Eight Crazy Days, this is what getting your 'whistle-smiley' kicked looks like:

# 2010-06-11 20:58
±Sympathetic Phil killed ±monaliza

# 2010-06-11 13:30
±monaliza killed ±Kouksdaiz Grox

# 2010-06-11 01:58
±monaliza killed ±Endzone

# 2010-06-09 04:37
±Endzone killed ±monaliza

# 2010-06-07 01:06
±monaliza killed ±Cu'ki Kruh'sha

# 2010-06-07 01:05
±monaliza killed ±Iwashere

# 2010-06-07 01:03
±monaliza killed ±The Prisoner

# 2010-06-04 18:16
±monaliza killed ±Sympathetic Phil