Big Trouble in Little Raktam (a Mercenary's Vengeance)

[Mortis]

It's obviously apparent that greed overcomes the outsiders sense of right and wrong  

The upside however, peace once again reigns in Raktam.

Grab your gourds people of Raktam, and relax 

[Endzone]

Iwashere: http://www.shartak.com/profile.cgi?id=10752

NPC kills: 206; last kill: Najdam

Looks faked to me...

[Bobby the Hatchet]

Okay, so the coconut-phone was havin' some technical difficulties. Only tracks I see are some Barney Rubble feet, for all we know, could've been a Skunk Ape.

[iwashere]

I think it was my evil twin brother from an alternate dimension.

Diabolical how he's always trying to frame me for things like this.

[Anthor]

Pray tell how I was able to fake Iwashere's profile and upload it back to the Shartak server?

Iwashere: http://www.shartak.com/profile.cgi?id=10752

NPC kills: 206; last kill: Najdam

Looks faked to me...

[Solemn]

Pray tell how I was able to fake Iwashere's profile and upload it back to the Shartak server?

Iwashere: http://www.shartak.com/profile.cgi?id=10752

NPC kills: 206; last kill: Najdam

Looks faked to me...

FYI:  The "It wasn't me!" and "Looks faked to me..." are sarcasm.

[iwashere]

Pray tell how I was able to fake Iwashere's profile and upload it back to the Shartak server?

Iwashere: http://www.shartak.com/profile.cgi?id=10752

NPC kills: 206; last kill: Najdam

Looks faked to me...

Also, please keep your OOC comments out of this thread

[Anthor]

FYI:  The "It wasn't me!" and "Looks faked to me..." are sarcasm.

Oh for F's sake, are you going to start picking on everything I say again, because it's F-ing getting old fast?

I KNOW it was sarcasm, as was my response.

[Solemn]

FYI:  The "It wasn't me!" and "Looks faked to me..." are sarcasm.

Oh for F's sake, are you going to start picking on everything I say again, because it's F-ing getting old fast.

I KNOW it was sarcasm, as was my response.

I'm not trying to pick at it.  You sincerely looked like you were taking offense to it and not getting the joke.

[Ahnaom]

(OOC: Take your hurt egos to PMs, nobody cares)

[Ahnaom]

Ahnaom sits on the small rock in front of the Court and starts going through many of his pockets until his fingers grasp the small bag of tobacco. He looks at the bloody trails on his ancestors' soil. Ahnaom turns his head to a palm tree that lazily casts a shadow over his head.

You have seen it all, did you not, my dear tree?
Do not be afraid, I am not here to cut anything down. The Queen likes you. Probably because of this shadow you give us.

I know humans do not stop by to talk with you often but many of our people believe there are spirits in you as well. I am not well versed in these things for I was brought to be a healer, not a spirit teller. Nevertheless, if a being has a spirit, it can talk. On its own way, of course. I might be speaking a different language, maybe with a weird accent to your ears. You probably speak through water, fruit and wind.

Yet somehow, somehow I feel you are way smarter than some of the palefaces that come here. They say, look we threatened your Queen and not once but two times. Why? You know, you ask them, why? (Nods to the tree) Did she do any harm to them, you might think? Insulted their elder? Oh, but we both know our Queen never does such a thing. (Lights his pipe) Oh oh, do not worry, no palm trees inside, just herbs and some tobacco. I prefer this light one, shamans sometimes smoke those thick dark hebs, you can cut smoke with a knife in their hut should you come by... Oh, forgive me, got carried away a bit here.

So.. they say, no! We do for shiny things. Shiny things?

Have you been to the caves, dear tree? Mmmm, I have yet to see one of your kind underground, so probably not. Anyway, there is this fickle stone that shines in twelve colours underground and fifteen in the daylight! That is fifteen times more than a gold coin, you know. And there are so much of that in the caves... When my grandmother was young and sneaked into the caves for the first time, she used a shovel to get a whole bucket of that. The people laughed, no use of that stone whatsoever. Too soft. Plenty of that underground, easy to extract and easy to carry. And very shiny. You would probably never run out of that. And yet, these palefaces use coins.
 
Ahnaom says, coins will run out, no use to get them for sparkling pleasures to the eye. They laugh. What happen? They run out. They go home like beaten up monkeys. Not before they die and fall like flies though. Talk without respect, die without honour. The servants cleaned soo much blood from the Court's swords you could take a bath there. Well, maybe not you, some smaller tree... Not that you would like to, but that much, you see? Oh, you probably can not see. Oh well.

You and I, we are very different beings. We do not share the language, you probably could not understand everything. Yet, I have learned today you have more wisdom than some of the humans on this island. That you, you could probably tell shiny things from honour. If only you could speak.

Ahnaom blows out the last smoke and smiles.

[Mortis]

Whatever he's smokin I want a pound of 

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Hmph. The roaming shaman has moved south. Eh.

[Iceman]

Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow...

Sympathetic Phil saunters into the Throne Room, one hand resting negligently on his sword hilt. He bows extravagantly to the lone native sat upon the double throne.
Sympathetic Phil straightens, a self-congratulatory smirk dancing on his lips. He raises his free hand. "NOW NOW, NO NEED FOR YOU ALL TO FLEE IN TERROR. YOU'RE QUITE SAFE, NOW..."
Sympathetic Phil grins at King Baraka's outraged expression. Phil's grip tightens warningly on his sword, and he stares at Baraka with narrowed eyes. "DON'T BE BLOODY STUPID, PAL."
You say “I'M JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE POLITE TO TELL YOU THAT ME AND MY LADS'LL BE CLEARING OUT NOW. THE PEOPLE OF RAKTAM WILL BE ABLE TO SLEEP SOUND AT NIGHT...” in the native language.
You say “...TUCKED IN THEIR ROTTEN, FLEA-INFESTED ANIMAL SKINS. OUR WORK HERE IS DONE. AND BLOODY GOOD WORK IT WAS, TOO, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.” in the native language.
Sympathetic Phil nods in satisfaction. "I'D HOPED TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PRETTY LITTLE LADY WIFE, BUT I'VE GOT A FEELING SHE'S GOING TO BE A WHILE GETTING HOME..."
Sympathetic Phil chuckles evilly. "STILL, BE SURE TO PASS ON MY REGARDS, EH YOUR KINGSHIP? SHE'S A FEISTY WENCH, I'LL HAPPILY ADMIT THAT."
Sympathetic Phil gives Baraka a speculative glance. "I'LL BET SHE RUNS YOU BLOODY RAGGED IN THE SACK, RIGHT? EH? RIGHT?" He chuckles again.
Sympathetic Phil shrugs his shoulders dismissively. "ANYWAY, I CAN'T BLOODY STAND HERE ALL DAY AND CHAT ABOUT THE MINX'S BEDROOM HABITS. I JUST WANTED TO DROP IN AND GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS."
Sympathetic Phil quirks an eyebrow. "YOU KNOW, PROFESSIONAL COURTESY AND ALL THAT." He glares at the throned native. "AND REMEMBER, I'M JUST THAT. A PROFESSIONAL."
Sympathetic Phil gestures broadly. "WE CAME HERE TO DO A JOB, AND WE'VE DONE IT. DON'T THINK YOU AND YOUR SHARGLE-STICKING CHUMS FOUGHT US OFF. AND DON'T THINK WE CAN'T COME BACK..."
Sympathetic Phil clicks his fingers. "...AND TURN THIS PLACE INTO KINDLING AGAIN ANYTIME WE BLOODY WELL WANT. SOME OF YOU PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT, BUT US MERCENARIES DON'T JUST FIGHT HARD..."
Sympathetic Phil bares his teeth. "...WE FIGHT BLOODY DIRTY TOO. AND WE ALWAYS, ALWAYS DO THE BLOODY JOB WE CAME TO DO. YOU'D BEST BE REMEMBERING THAT."
Sympathetic Phil curls his lip in a contemptuous grimace. "AND MAKE SURE YOUR MISSUS KNOWS IT TOO. DESPITE HER BRAVE WORDS, HER LAST MISTAKE COST HER BLOODY DEARLY..."
Sympathetic Phil clenches a large fist, and his knuckles crackle. "...AND TRUST ME, SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO MAKE IT AGAIN. YOU UNDERSTAND ME, JUNGLE MAN? YOU'D BLOODY BETTER."
Sympathetic Phil backs towards the door, watching the few remaining natives closely. He draws back the drapes that hang across the doorway. "IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, MAJESTY. I'D SAY I'LL SEE YOU SOON..."
Sympathetic Phil ducks out of the Throne Room. His voice drifts back to those in the Court. "...BUT YOU'D BETTER HOPE FOR ALL YOUR BLOODY SAKES THAT YOU DON'T..."

When I've recovered from handing Raktami's their bloody asses all week, I'll look over the books and give you all a better idea of exactly how this job panned out. But whatever the outcome, it's safe to say that my lads went in balls deep and did themselves bloody proud.

[KingBiscuit]

What I, SofaKing, have learned from this encounter with Sympathetic Phil's mercenary crew is that they have, above all else, a powerful and unyielding obsession with men's testicles.