Shartak Forum: Another Day on Shartak: A Shartak Parody

The following represents no way shape or form the opinions of this poster, his dog, or the kid who set fire to a bag of poop on his doorway last night. It does however, make fun of people and too be taken completely seriously. Enjoy.

A wonderfully pecfection of a native is walking through the jungles, wearing nothing but his loincloth, and his dreams. He stops to pick up a flower, and studies its beauty.

"Oh flower, why can't we have peace?"

SUDDENLY! Three outsiders jump out from the bushes.

"A-HA!" they scream in unison.

"OH NOES! I only have one flower, and there is three of you!"

Again, they speak in unison, "We have three blades that will crush you!"

"But why? I am just picking flowers, catching butterflys, and..." Suddenly his face gets stern, and his biceps/neck muscles/jaw bulges, "SLAYING TIGERS!"

"AH!" screamed the outsiders, "Horrible native, have at thee!"

They all attack at once, wounded the poor native, and cutting his flower.

"You sons of a motherless goat...that flower wanted nothing more than PEACE!" With all of his muscles bulging again, he screams at the outsiders, "TIME TO SPANK A BITCH!"

Meanwhile, in Wiksik Proper

"Ladies and Gentlemen I have an important annoucement," says Anthor, "CANNONBALL!"

Meanwhile, over in Durham

"Youse peeps, youse listen to me see," said a heavyset man in a wife beater, "We's the mob see."

"Yea see," say four more Italians behind him, all in wifebeaters.

"But youse need to see, we's the mob see." said another man, covered in spaghetti.

"Yes see," said ten more Italians behind me, all covered in various Italian dishes.

"Oh noes boss, they's got more people!" said one of the wifebeaters men. "What can we do?"

"I gots an idea." His cigar bobbed menacingly.

Seconds later

The five Italians are on a raft, heading away from Shartak.

"This idea seems similar to when Mama Petrolli got tomato sauce all over cousins Tony's face." said one of the wifebeaters.

"Shut up and help me pedal faster you clowns."

"Boss, I can't, I'm trying to swindle these sharks."

Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the island. Over there

"I AM FRENCH, I TALK WITH A HORRIBLE FRENCH ACCENT, SEE!"

The empty town looks back at him.

"Where is everybody?"

Next door at the swamp

A mass of people are looking through the swamp, searching in vain for something. A man walks inbetween them, holding a hot dog tray, "First Aid Kits for sale here, one gold coin per FAK! Alligator repellent here, keep those alligators away from you. Get your hotdawgs here, genuine, grade A hotdawgs here."

Meanwhile, at Raktam's med hut

"I am Queen," poses a native female, wearing a paper crown. "I'm going to kill you all, cause I'm Queen!"

The assembled, and obviously stoned, people in the med hut looked at the person, "Yeah whatever man, It's like 15 AP for me to walk back over here. And all I do is heal people anyways, so like, feel free man." says one of them, dressed up in squirrel fur. "I'll just come back again."

"FREE XP!" Shouted the paper crown wearing Queen. "YAY!"

Meanwhile, at someplace with random trees

"I am a trader, I trade things, lalalalalalala."

A random native comes out of the brush, "TIME TO DIE FILTHY OUTSIDER!"

"ZERG!"

The native stops, "What?"

"You are a zerg! Look at you! A first level, who traded to get close quarter combat! ZERG!"

"Why wouldn't I get that? And what are you talking about? You are an outsider, and I'm a native. Doesn't that mean we attack each other?"

"ZERG! THINGS A ZERGING ZERG ZERG WOULD SAY!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about..."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH MY OWN ZERG! THAT MAKES IT RIGHT YOU KNOW!"

"What? Dude, I just found this website, I have no idea what you are talking about.

"ZERG! ZERG ZERG ZERGING ZERG ZERG ZERG! ZERG! ZERGING ZERG!"

Meanwhile, at midway/Wicksick/Squared Circle/Who put the bop in the bop de bop debop Island

"I'm telling you Grunk, just take the pinfall, and I'll keep the belt."

"Okay Khali, hey, why isn't the Titantron working?"

"Nihilo here, ready for some action!"

"Spear is an illegal object in the ring Nihilo."

Twist walks out from the foliage, "Then I'm guess I'm not allowed!"

Meanwhile, at York's Owl Statue.

A man wearing Ryu like clothing and a red bandanna, is kissing the statue.

Two other outsiders watch him from a distance.

"Man, he is serious about stuff huh?"

Meanwhile, at Wiksik

Four natives are walking down the street.

"Where's the suit store, we've been walking for forty five minutes."

"Silly, I thought you said this was a shortcut?"

"Fantastic."

Four more natives ride up on bikes.

"Anthor and the ladies went out for a little stroll huh?"

The bikes circle the four natives.

"Keep a tight perimeter."

"Well siree, well well well, Anthor, and the Kingdom of Skulls. Where's your mommy?" said the leader of the bike natives, John the Baptist.

"You back off State of New York."

"The way I understand it," says John, while smoking a cigarette, "You had to bring in the Necro Guild. Change your diapers? Wipe the drool from your lips? Rub Vaseline all over your bum, and tell you it's special and different from everyone else's."

The other bike natives giggle.

"He said bum."

"Dammit Silly, get back over here."

"Do they tuck you in Anthor, give you a little kiss on the forehead, tell you everything is going to be okay?"

"I had enough of you Baptist, this is going to end right here, right now. Let's dance dickweed." responds Anthor.

"You wanna do this right here? Right now?" says John. He pulls out a dagger, "I wanna polka!"

Everyone pulls out various weapons, "Come get a taste." responds Anthor.

Meanwhile, somewhere at Dalpok

A lone guy stands in the middle of the huts.

"Whoooo! Snakes!"

Meanwhile, another place in the jungle

The three outsiders run, "OH MY GOD! HE'S CONVERTING XP INTO AP!"

"COME BACK HERE YOU FLOWER KILLING SCUM BAGS!"

Meanwhile, in the Sacred Space. You know, the space that's inside a mountain, YET ITS SNOWING. No one knows why...oh I'm sure someone is going to give me an explanation, but it's not going to be right. GET OFF MY LAWN!

A busty female hops along, "Hi random outsider!"

"TEXT RAPE!"

"I just said hi!"

"RAPE!"

Meanwhile, at the shipwreck

Two pirates stand on the crows nest.

"Hey, you ever wonder why we can't seem to see the ground below us?"

"Umm....no?"

"Seriously, it's like right there, yet we can't see it."

"Too high up, cloud cover."

"It didn't seem that high up when walked up here."

"Well, jump off. If you die, it was too high up."

"That sounds like a....OH! You almost had me there!"

Meanwhile, back at Dalpok

"You have one of our treasures!" says a cannibal to one of the village people.

"What, really?"

"Yes, I see it from here?"

"You mean the stick. That I saw you bring in here."

"Umm...no?"

"And it has a post it note on it, calling it the Staff of Absalon!"

"Ummm...no?"

"Dude, what the

? I got enough problems to deal with. I got a village that no one likes, except fo some random snake dude."

"Snakes...wooo!"

Meanwhile, on the mountain.

A lone explorer is up there, enjoying the peace an quiet, drinking a nice cup of tea.

A random trader walks up the pathway and sees him.

""How..."

He freezes in mid speech.

"Looks like someone ran right out of AP," says the explorer drinking tea, "It's good to be the king."

	Author	Topic: Another Day on Shartak: A Shartak Parody (Read 1708 times)
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