The Diary of Sam Bellamy – British Administrator of Derby

[Ege Bamyasi]

My hearty congratulations to Billfred. Subject to terms and conditions the ‘erby ‘ D’ (pictured above) is rightfully yours and is sure to become a treasured family heirloom. Please contact me so that we can arrange payment and delivery.

They said that a pirate would never rule an outsider settlement. Yet when I arrived on this island two and a half years ago I had a dream – a dream that I would one day govern the colonial towns of Derby and York and Durham. Now that dream is part way towards becoming a reality. For the past few months ‘erby has reaped the benefits of my wise governance, my unimpeachable seamanship and my ability to haggle with parrots, which has brought down the price of bananas by a whole rifle bullet.

I am proud to preside over a town with a 0% murder rate. A town where we are considering making Balchig the shaman redundant, as there is no one for him to resurrect.

That is all. Go in peace and know that I Sam Bellamy watch over each and every one of you.

[Billfred]

Bluebeards Leg is currently in the North Shartak Trading Company hut.

Or I'll let Utility Bank know you shall be withdrawing the 85 Gold Coins, whichever is easier.

[Killian]

I miss Sam Bellamy...

-- Killy

[Ege Bamyasi]

January 13th

When I, Sam Bellamy, was named Governor of ‘erby, it must have seemed to the simple folk of the town as if I had settled down and bidden farewell to my violent past.

Little did they know that my entry into politics was a cunning ruse. In public I assumed the careworn demeanour of a man preoccupied by the minutiae of municipal government, yet in my spare time I was secretly butchering the populace and leaving their bodies to fester in the malarial heat.

So complete was my deception that no one suspected that I remained at heart a cold blooded killer. After all, why would an upstanding citizen and noted patron of the naked theatrical arts, wallow in such acts of senseless barbarity?

Even when members of the Eastern Federation caught me beheading one of their own, they were taken-in by my excuse - That the poor wretch had sustained his injury from an unusually sharp sharpening stone and that I was attempting to staunch the blood flow from his neck with the blade of my cutlass. The fools!

When I wasn’t slaughtering the innocent, I was scattering breadcrumbs on the outskirts of the town, enticing giant pelagic Teals to our shores, where they laid waste to our verdant forests and ate our winter cauliflower crop.

The truth is that I am and always will be a bloodthirsty, rum-swilling pirate. The white flags waved at me by my victims are, in my eyes, no more than handy pieces of material that can be fashioned into pairs of sturdy underpants. Their flesh is my meat. Their blood is something that, on the advice of my physician, I now only drink in moderation. 

I write this in my secret diary, knowing that my treachery will never be discovered and that I will continue to rule ‘erby unchallenged for the next 100 years.

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Sam, we are embarking on a good old fashioned raid of Dalpok this weekend. Are you in?

[Ege Bamyasi]

People of ‘erby,

It has been brought to my attention that a rag-tag band of French aristocrats, no doubt fearing for their heads in their country of origin, have chosen our fair Capital as a base for their redundant monarchist government.

Throughout the Bellamy administration’s term of office, the proud city of ‘erby has remained untarnished by the injustices, foul play and civil war that has plagued the sham governments of York and Durham. It cannot have gone unnoticed that my initiation as Governor coincided with the hated Eastern Federation calling a halt to its dissident activities and thereafter disbanding; Nor that this victory occurred without a shot being fired.
 
Just as I defeated our enemy within, so too will I defeat these new interlopers, who seek to undermine our political system and overthrow our democratically elected representatives.   

To cope with this foreign threat to our liberty and independence it will be necessary to enact certain emergency powers bestowed upon me in my capacity as Governor: In the interests of defending our network of coastal roads that remain so vital to free trade, I have made the decision to annex our smaller weaker neighbour – the village of York - which, from here-on, will be known as 'little ‘erby'.

- Your merciful Regent,

Sam Bellamy.

[Budgie]

York will never submit to keeerazy British control like `erby! Cross me and my friends and face the wrath of my twin machetes, foul knave!

[Ege Bamyasi]

York will never submit to keeerazy British control like `erby! Cross me and my friends and face the wrath of my twin machetes, foul knave!

I fully understand your concerns Mr Perruche. Let me assure you that my annexation of York is motivated by a desire to protect, rather than to conquer or, heaven forbid, redevelop the land as a sanctuary for Giant Teals. In time, you and the other citizens of York will adjust and may even come to benefit indirectly from the wealth that the people of 'erby have earned from their sale of the superfluous letter 'D' from the town name, to the makers of the popular board game 'Scrabble'.

Since I will be unable to govern both settlements concurrently I have decided that the most sensible course of action is for me to to recite commands to a tame parrots. Please follow whatever instructions these birds gives you to the letter, no matter how absurd they may be. 

- Sam Bellamy

[Budgie]

Giant teals are noisy, unlike giant parakeets!

[Ege Bamyasi]

It is with a heavy heart that I must report the passing of our brave friend Keiichi in a wagon accident. I have pleaded with the local shamen to resurrect him, as is the custom on Shartak. They have informed me that his time on the island is over and that he has moved on to better things.

As a tribute to our departed friend, who left us suddenly before we had the opportunity to say goodbye, I have arranged for the 'k' to be removed from York (which will henceforth be known as 'Yor') and affixed to the beginning of 'erby to create: New Kerby.  

~ Sam Bellamy.

[FirstAmongstDaves]

Trouble in Erby

Scene: The Hanged Misfit - most popular pub on Shartak.
Personae Dramatis: Cold Seether, Isaak Carlier, Saint Gambi, Deus257, Mill Wilkinson, Black Jack Pershing, Sympathetic Phil.

Cold Seether says “Congrats, Phil. That is a mighty reward from the dastardly varmint, Tom Failur. I should probably run out and bring him to justice, but he hasn't committed a crime in Derby in years” (2009-07-06 01:06)

Cold Seether says “Saint Gambi, dear, I heartily commend your effort to slay wicked natives, but Ghost Doctor isn't a wicked native. He is a shaman who gets rid of these darn banshees that clog our huts.” (2009-07-06 01:08)

Cold Seether walks back in, laughing (2009-07-06 01:11)

Cold Seether says “That Tom Failur moves through Derby like he knows the territory. How strange that is.” (2009-07-06 01:11)

Cold Seether says “Black Jack, the Peninsular Federation failed because of lack of will, lack of external motivating forces, and failure to capture the minds and spirit of the people they were sworn to protect.” (2009-07-06 01:13)

Cold Seether says “It takes a strong collection of personalities to make such a group grow and prosper. We have some fine individuals, but we're missing the charismatic leadership that makes us all want to succeed” (2009-07-06 01:16)

Deus257 pockets the coins accepting the loan "And were still looking for that leader Seether you interested in forming and leading this new group" (2009-07-06 03:15)
Deus257 says “Your charismatic and good judge of character, I mean heck i'd still be killing ghambi right now if you hadn't told me she was on our side, by the way sorry for the misunderstandings Gambi” (2009-07-06 03:17)
Deus257 says “Also everyone respects you and also a brilliant tactician” (2009-07-06 03:18)
Deus257 says “and another thing what ever are we going to do with this corpse rotting in the center of the room, it's starting to attract wild dogs and fliy maggots are crawling out of it.” (2009-07-06 03:20)

Sympathetic Phil draws one of his new swords with a steely hiss, and lays it on the table in front of him. "You know, I've never had one of these before, and now I've got bloody three!" (2009-07-06 07:45)
Sympathetic Phil quirks his lips in a smile. "Who said a life of questionable morals doesn't pay, eh?" Phil hefts the sword, and makes a few practice swings, sending Deus257 and Isaak scrambling out of the way. (2009-07-06 07:46)
Sympathetic Phil snorts apologetically. "Sorry fellas, I'm new to this sword-wielding business." He pats his rifle sat on the chair next to him. "All my experience is with old faithful here." (2009-07-06 07:47)
Sympathetic Phil brings the blade around in a sweeping arc, and slices the top neatly off of a bottle of beer. "Still, I could get used to it. Cheers!" (2009-07-06 07:49)

Isaak Carlier says “Pershing, I disbanded because there seemed to be zero interest in the PF. Derby has been a ghost town for a while with hardly any activity till now. ” (2009-07-06 14:57)

Mill Wilkinson says “Huzaa, what's up?” (2009-07-06 16:48)

Sympathetic Phil finishes his beer, and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "Aah..." He stands up. "Well gentlemen, it's been a pleasure making your aquaintance." (2009-07-06 20:43)
Sympathetic Phil says “I'll be sure to recommend this fine establishment to everyone I meet - that's the best beer I've had in a long while. My compliments, barkeep.” (2009-07-06 20:43)
Sympathetic Phil sighs. "Which makes this extremely unpleasant for me..." Phil reaches under the table, and his hand comes back holding his rifle. "But business is business." (2009-07-06 21:10)

Sympathetic Phil shoots Black Jack Pershing point blank in the chest, and before the body hits the floor re-cocks it and puts a bullet cleanly through Isaak Carlier’s forehead. (2009-07-06 21:10)

Sympathetic Phil kills Black Jack Pershing. (2009-07-06 21:11)
Sympathetic Phil kills Isaak Carlier with a rifle. (2009-07-06 21:11)

Sympathetic Phil catches a movement in the corner of his eye, and whirling quicker than a man of his bulk would seem able, slams his rifle butt into Cold Seether’s face, sending him crashing to the floor. (2009-07-06 21:11)

Sympathetic Phil steps forward and kicks Cold Seether’s rifle skittering across the floorboards, before stomping heavily on a hand reaching for a machete hilt. “Uh uh, none of that…” (2009-07-06 21:11)

Sympathetic Phil backs away slowly, rifle aimed warningly at the figure sat glaring at him around a bloody nose. Phil’s eyes flicker around the bar. “Don’t anyone else get any ideas either.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil narrows his eyes. “This is just business, like I said. There’s no need for anyone else to get involved in this… transaction. Not if everyone’s sensible.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil continues to retreat warily towards the door, his rifle weaving back and forth. He jerks his chin in the direction of the two bodies. “These guys pissed someone off. Someone with money.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil shrugs. “Did they deserve to die? I don’t know, I’m just a simple mercenary. A simple mercenary who happens to be very good at his job, unfortunately for our friends there.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil reaches the door, and fumbles behind his back for the handle, his rifle still held unwaveringly in his other hand. He sighs again. “This really is a most unfortunate turn of events…” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil shakes his head. “…I was just getting to know you good gentlemen. I hope I can come back here for a beer sometime, and we can sit down and laugh about this.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil inclines his head respectfully to Cold Seether. “Sorry about your nose. You’re a handsome chap though, so I’m sure it won’t give you any major problems with the barmaids.” (2009-07-06 21:12)

Sympathetic Phil looks searchingly around the room one last time, nodding to RodWorkBob as he does so, before ducking quickly out of the door. (2009-07-06 21:12)

Isaak Carlier says “that was unexpected, at least I got a beer out of it.” (2009-07-06 23:40)

Cold Seether says “Aww, Hell... now I have to go kill Phil.” (2009-07-07 05:54)

[Iceman]

Trouble? There's no trouble here. Move it along now, nothing to see.

[Killian]

There's no troube here.

Slip of the keystroke there is truth.

[Iceman]

Typo? There's no typo here. Move it along now, nothing to see.